


Broken Numbers

by Tommy10k



Category: Z Nation (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Typical Violence, Delusions, Dissassociation, Hallucinations, Horror, Hurt 10K, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, More tags to be added, Mute 10k, Night Terrors, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Protective Murphy, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Suicidal Thoughts, Team as Family, Torture, Trauma, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, and reorganized, discontinued for mental health reasons, fatherly Doc, grapic description of violence, memory problems, mute character, over and over
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-12
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-01-10 01:19:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12288207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tommy10k/pseuds/Tommy10k
Summary: The aftermath of trauma induced after the Collector has his way.Now all that’s left is for Murphy to help pick up the broken numbers of 10kNot gonna finish anytime soon cause it fucked with my mental health





	1. Cards

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off an rp me and my friend are doing that turned into a joint fanfic... 
> 
> In this it theorized some events that could have happened during the collector that would have spurred some different affects.. 
> 
> This is dark and very much based off of our joint trauma! Enjoy?

**10k pov**

_’You didn’t deserve what happened’_

_’That wasn’t normal’_

_’You’re safe here’_

_’He is dead—he can’t hurt you again’_

Were all phrases I had grown _very_ familiar with over the past few months. Whether it was someone else, or me trying my hardest to convince himself the words were true. I... I wasn’t fully convinced I didn’t deserve it.

It.. it was hard. Most nights were filled with nightmares if I could sleep or just emptiness—constant static filling his head. I’m sure which was worse. At least with the flashbacks I felt something, still felt _human_ in some way. But the humanity came with a price, vivid memories that e couldn’t stop. Ones that recreated every _single_ , graphic moment I was—

I shuddered, shaking my head. I wasn’t going to think about it, I wasn’t going to dwell on what I _couldn’t_ change. It happened. There was nothing I could do to fix it.

There was nothing anyone could do.

_But some people couldn’t except the facts._

Murphy was the first to come to mind. No matter what I said—or rather _wouldn’t_ say. I could be the most unresponsive person on the planet (aside from Zs) and Murphy would still insist on including me in every conversation.

He’d ask me how I am doing, if I was hungry, or thirsty, or cold. And every time Murphy would take my silence as a _’yes Murphy I would love for you to take care of me’_.

It was more than a little annoying. 

But... still, I was happy to have some normality, even if that normality was Murphy being a jackass.

————————————————

**Murphy pov**

I sat across the table from 10k, he was staring out the window of the crappy RV we found.

I was on ‘10k watch’—Murphy watch had become somewhat... less need once Warren figured out I wasn’t going anywhere after 10k was hurt. If anything I was staying put more than ever to make sure he was okay.

Sighing I looked around, smiling when I spotted the deck of cards across the room. Thank you, Doc!

Standing up I made a quick stride to grab the pack. Just because we were stuck in here didn’t mean we couldn’t have a little fun. Right?

“10k~ guess what the good Doc left us~” I practically sung as I sat down. We learned quick the best way to get him to respond was to be as happy sounding as you could. If nto... he just kinda shut down. Relive the memory... 

10k looked up at me, then at the cards, shrugging. 

That’s a yes!

Humming as I shuffled and then dealt the cards. Go Fish had become our _go to_ game.

We had a system for him not talking too! Of course the numbers were how many fingers he’d hold up—but King, Queen, Jack, and Ace were two fingers crossed, the index and pinky finger sticking up, his middle finger (haha 10k, real cute), and a fist respectively. It worked. 

Not gonna lie he usually won.

He’d sometimes smile when he won so it was well worth it. It was worth it to get him to forget all the bad things for a little while.

————————————————

_It took Warren two days to find us. Two. Fucking. Days._

_In that time the evil bastard that held us captive, tortured us, and raped 10k when I refused to bite him._

_Yeah. Two days too long._

_Even after we were ‘saved’ nothing could go back to the way it was. The damage was done._

_10k wouldn’t look anyone in the eye for weeks after. He didn’t speak again, except for the occasional count on how many Zs he’s killed. Least he could keep that part of him. But even that was getting fewer and further between counts._

_I can vividly remember everyone’s reaction to the news. Addy’s might have been the most helpful in a sense. She had known someone who was raped and had a few tips on therapy._

_It might be helping 10k._

_I hope it’s helping him._

———————————————— 

“Fucking hell... alright here” all my fucking eights. He just won. 

10k made a noise, smiling ever so slightly. 

“Another round?” 

He nods. I reshuffle the deck. He wins. We repeat the process until 10k shakes his head no to another game. 

Today it takes seven rounds, him winning five of them.

Afterwards we sit in a comfortable silence, me humming some tune while he stares out the window again.

_Maybe we can get through this too._

———————————————— 

**10k pov**

Go fish was fun.

It was a distraction.

It passed time.

I like playing go fish, I like playing go fish with Murphy. 

_'Weird.'_

“You hungry, 10?” Murphy asks. 

I just shrug, I may be hungry. I don’t remember when I last ate. 

Licking my lips I nod, he gets up. Wonder what we have to eat. Isn’t that what they were looking for? Or was it medical supplies? We’ve used a lot of those lately. 

_Whose fault is that, Thomas?_

_'Not mine. Its not my fault—I can’t stop it!'_

_Well then who do we—_

Murphy puts a plate in front of me, breaking my thoughts, “Here’s dinner. Stop picking at your face, you’re gonna start bleeding again.”

I reluctantly pull my hand away from the side of my face, glancing down at my nails and the scabs under them. 

_'It is my fault.'_

Murphy starts eating while pick at my food. Taking small bites. It’s granola and some fruit out of a can. Weird combination. But good.

“Thank you, Murphy...”

I can feel him staring at me. I can see him smile after a moment when I look up.

“No problem 10k, no problem...”


	2. Pens and Paper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doc finds a way to help 10k ‘talk’. Murphy approves of 10k’s new ‘voice’. I’m sure he is just glad 10k won’t flip him off anymore (he will).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter deals with some suicidal thoughts, a bit of self blame, and some fluff thrown in there.

**Pens and paper**

**Murphy pov**

It had been several weeks of me and the others having to guess what 10k was trying to communicate. If anything, not being able to talk—to tell us what he was feeling—was causing him to withdraw even more. I don’t know much about sexual trauma, but I was fairly certain that not being able to speak when you need to is detrimental. He _needed_ to be able to say when he was hurting, or scared, or panicking, I don’t care what but if he needs something I don’t want him to _not_ tell someone.

Doc seemed to be thinking the same thing. After a day of supply hunting and nearly getting attacked by some goddamn bounty hunters, Doc came back to the camper with a grin on his face.

“I don’t know why none of us thought of this!” Doc was grinning like he found some drugs. 

Addy and Warren exchanged glances, Vasquez looked up from where he was across from 10k. 10k didn’t even look up, still staring blankly at his gun on the table.

“Think of what? Is this gonna be a cheese wheel/Philly thing again?” Addy jokes, earning a soft snort from 10k and an eye roll from the rest of us. 

Doc shook his head, still smiling, “even better! I have a solution for our communication problem.” He then plopped a notepad and a pack of pens in front of 10k. “Should work for now, right?”

10k sat there, picking up the items carefully as if they would bite him. We all just watched him, waiting for a reaction. After a few seconds he opened the book, picked out a pen (a blue one) and wrote something. He held it up for Doc to see; 

_"Thank you"_

And he was smiling again for the first time in a while. 

_’This is good, we are getting better.’_

————————————————

That was a few days ago, and 10k was really enjoying the notepad. He was usually doodling on it, or scribbling something. 

I wasn’t gonna push to see what he was doing. If he wanted us to know he’d tell—write?—us. Right now I was just happy he wasn’t stuck inside himself anymore. 

The best part was he had an entire page of cuss words what he’d pull out when he wanted to get a point across. 

————————————————

**10k pov**

I never knew how nice it was to write out stuff. It was calming. It was easier to get things I wanted this way. And Murphy seemed to love having no longer one sided conversations. 

It was still inconvenient to converse when you have to take time to write down what could have been said in seconds. He didn’t seem to mind waiting for a response, or at least he didn’t show any annoyance.

It was weird to think the person I felt the most contempt for had become the one I was most _comfortable_ with. Don’t get me wrong, Doc was still the person I was closes to, but I still feel... less than easy around him. That kinda made me a bit sick. Just thinking that someone I was so close to could _ever_ do something like that—it made me feel like I was betraying them, or something. It was confusing.

Murphy cleared his throat, making me look up. Effectively clearing my thoughts.

“You look sick. You alright?” Why does he sound so kind but still kinda like an asshole?

I just shrug, grabbing the notepad and scribbling down:

_"I dunno I’m just thinking about it again."_

Murphy frowns, he shifts slightly from his position across from me. “Oh... do you..” he pauses, looking for the right words, “do you want to talk about it? Hell I’m sure it might help to just write it down? None of us have to read it.” 

I lick my lips, shrugging: 

_"I’ve been writing it down"_

Murphy has a look on his face for a brief moment, then nods. “Oh-“

I cut him off with another note: 

_"It’s fine if you want to read it"_

This makes him freeze, he looks a bit worried. I know what he is going to say before he says it.

“You don’t have to.” Murphy says. 

_"I don’t mind to"_

I write.

Murphy frowns, “Not minding and wanting to are two very different things 10,000. I don’t want you to tell me or anyone else before you feel comfortable.” He reaches across to me and grabs my hand, squeezing softly, “Unless its something we _need_ to know. Like if it’s hurting you or causing you to—I’m not gonna finish that sentence but you know what I mean.”

I nod. I know _exactly_ what he means by that. 

Is it bad I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately?


	3. Still counting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10k is back to counting, striving to be who he was. That is until something side tracks him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a panic attack and some self hate/blame in it. But also some fluff and some protective Murphy in it.

**Still counting**

**10k pov**

 

_4,248_  
_4,249_  
_4,250_

__

It’s been too long but I’m back to counting. I’m not going to let what happened stop me from reaching 10,000.

__

Doc was right beside me, watching as I took down stray Zs. 

__

“Damn! Nice shot, 10k!” He sounded so enthusiastic? Maybe impressed? 

__

“Three with two shots. That’s pretty good!” His hand came to rest on my shoulder, squeezing slightly. 

__

I don’t flinch anymore when someone touches me (at least from our group. I don’t want to think about dealing with outsiders). Which is good. It means their faces don’t contort into looks of fear, sorrow, or _guilt_.

__

I smile at him, looking through my scope for anymore stray Zs. 

__

_None_

__

Sighing I stand up straight, looking over at Doc. Jerking my head towards where the rest of us are meeting up. 

__

“Yeah, good idea. They are probably waitin’ for us.” Doc smiles, letting go of my shoulder. Part of me wants to ask him not to let go of my, the other part wants to never be touched again.

__

The walk back was mostly silent. When we finally get back to the RV the sun is high in the sky. Warren and Vasquez are both outside. I don’t really know what they could be talking about, but they stop talking as soon as Vasquez sees us. 

__

My stomach tightens, I _don’t_ know what they are talking about. Something in the back of my head _insist_ that they were talking about me. 

__

_They were talking about they are going to do with you._

__

_How they are going to get rid of you._

__

_How you deserved—_

__

“What did you two find?” Warren cuts off my thoughts. I hands her the can of gas we found, Doc holds up one of the bags.

__

“A can of gas, some medical supplies, bit of food, and a about five water bottles.” Doc answers, grinning wide when Warren nods.

__

Vasquez takes one of the bags, I can’t read his expression. He frowns.

__

“You look sick.” Vasquez says to me.

__

This gets Doc and Warren’s attention, both of them look concerned and it makes my stomach drop. 

__

I shake my head. I’m not sure what I’m shaking my head for though. I can feel myself break out in a cold sweat. My jaw is locked, my vision is tunneled out, dark at the edges. I know they are talking to me, but I feel like I’m underwater. Like I’m listening to static, my ears are ringing loudly. Then I feel my legs give out from under me and someone grabbing onto me. My hands reach out for purchase, I know they grabbed onto something sharp when I feel my palm split open. I also know I must be incredibly tense with how much _everything_ hurts. 

__

————————————————

__

I don’t know if I blacked out or what happened really. But the next thing I know is I’m laying on the couch, a cold cloth on my forehead, and I’m breathing _very_ shallowly.

__

My vision isn’t steady. I can’t see much, the edges are dark and nothing is in focus. But I can hear. I can hear that most of the others are outside the RV. I can feel a blanket on my legs and bandages when I flex my fingers. I can also feel that I’m laying on someone. Whoever it is has their hand in my hair.

__

_’That feels really good.’_

__

I think I groaned or something because the fingers stopped. I’m almost certain I whined when they stopped stroking.

__

“You’re back.” 

Murphy’s voice comes from above me.

__

_’Where’d I go, Murphy? Was I gone long?’_

__

“You feeling better?” He whispers softly. 

__

I make a small noise, reaching up to his hand. Hoping he gets the message to keep... petting?

__

“10k?” Murphy cupped my cheeks, making me look in his eyes.

__

I think, still not entirely sure where I’m looking.

__

“Are you feeling better? Or do you need something?” 

__

I just shrug, put off by how _concerned_ he sounded. I don’t like how he made me feel like I _could_ break down. And that he _wouldn’t_ be annoyed with me. 

__

Again I grab his wrist and try to guide his hand back into my hair. All I want to do right now is stop _panicking_. I don’t really care what his intentions were at the moment. 

__

Above me I hear Murphy sigh, he started to card his fingers through my hair. Closing my eyes, I tried to lean more into him. That was the last thing I remember before I was overcome by a dreamless sleep.

__

————————————————

__

**Murphy pov**

__

I was sitting in the RV, trying not to look _too_ concerned. It was the first time in a long time that 10k was going out alone.

__

Well he wasn’t _completely_ alone. Doc had gone with him, it was kinda like it was before 10k was—

__

_’Don’t fucking think about that. Don’t think about how you couldn’t save him. Don’t think about how useless you were.’_

__

I must have been pretty wrapped up in my thoughts because Addy was snapping her fingers in front of my face.

__

“Earth to Murph,” she says, “anybody in there?”

__

I frown, batting her hand away from my face. “I was just thinking.”

__

Addy smirks, “You? Thinking? That’s a first.” She has a shit eating grin as she shakes her head.

__

I just growl, turning to look back out the window. They should have been back by now. 

__

_What if he got hurt again and you can’t do anything._

__

_Just like last time. You failed._

__

Addy shrugs, going back to cleaning her bat as I start to drum my fingers on the table.

__

I’m not sure how long I zone out before I see two figures walk around the RV. They look unscathed. And I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding in when I hear Doc speaking.

__

_’Nothing went wrong. Not this time at least.’_

__

I want to get up and greet them, I _really_ want to grab 10k and make sure he is okay. But I hold back on the off chance he freaks out, or _relives_ it at the sudden emotions. 

__

I listen to them speaking as Addy gets back up, relacing her boots from earlier cleaning. Then I hear it. 

__

“10k! Shit—“ Warren is shouting. My body moves before I can think. I’m already opening the door when I see 10k crumble. Vasquez has a hold of him, keeping him from actually hitting the ground with an arm under his armpit and one around his chest.

__

10k is hyperventilating, there are tears streaming down his face, his eyes are glazed over in a look of panic. 

__

Fuck—I don’t think we’ve ever had to deal with him having an attack outside of a base or the RV, even if it’s only right outside, it still feels too far. Like we have to take him miles to get him safe. But it’s only a few feet and he is on the floor of the RV. Still shaking and his hands in fist in his hair.

__

When did he cut his hand?

__

I try to calm him down a bit, prevent him from ripping his hair out. Doc has his injured hand bandaged as soon as 10k’s hands are out of his hair. Vasquez helps me get him onto the couch. Addy has a cold cloth, sometimes it helps to calm him down. 

__

It takes a bit but he ends up passing out. Still shaking, but no longer struggling to breathe as much. It’s still too shallow for my comfort but he is breathing. And right now that’s okay.

__

————————————————

__

It was maybe 40 minutes later, I am sitting on the couch with 10k’s head laying in my lap. His hair is fanned out and I’m playing with it. Softly musing it up.

__

I can hear Warren talking to the other three outside. They are trying to figure out what triggered him to go into panic. Doc had suggested I stay inside incase 10k came back to consciousness. I had agreed before he finished the sentence.

__

I freeze up when I hear 10k groan softly. And then a soft whine, his neck arching slightly.

__

“You’re back.” I say, keeping my voice low.

__

He just blinks, his eyes are unfocused and flittering around the RV.

__

“You feeling better?” I try to get some sort of response, but he just reaches up, grabbing my wrist. I don’t know what he means. So I grab his cheeks, making eye contact with his still slightly glassy eyes. “10k. Are you feeling better? Or do you need something?” 

__

His face scrunches up, whining softly in the back of his throat. He then shrugs and grabs at my wrist again. I let him guide my hand back towards his hair and I sigh. I wasn’t going to get an answer any time soon I suppose. So I continue to basically pet him, softly scratching his hair. I watch him try to lean further into my hand.

__

_’He is really enjoying this... it’s cute.’_ I think as I keep playing with his hair even after I see him fall asleep.

__

When the others come back in Warren informs me that we are heading out first thing after the sun sets. It’s been easier for us to move in the dark. Less bounty hunters and less of a chance of our engine overheating.

__

I nod but I don’t make a move to stop petting 10k. Nobody said anything about how 10k started to _nuzzle_ my waist after a while. In fact the only time our position was brought up was when Warren was about to start driving. Addy asked if it would be better to move 10k into one of the bunk beds in the back room. 

__

I fully agreed, he still looked exhausted even after sleeping for over a half hour. It was surprisingly easy to get him up, he woke up as soon as we tried to rouse him. Not completely awake, but awake enough to be able to walk to the beds, curling up immediately in on of the bottom ones. 

__

The one that I had slept in the last few nights. The one that he had seen me sleep in. 

__

_’He doesn’t know that. He is barely conscious right now.’_

__

I just sigh, pushing his hair back briefly before I grab a blanket and throw it over him. Not missing how he curls up further. 

__

So there I am. Sitting on the bed 10k had claimed as his before he took my own bed instead. I’ll wait a little bit, then I’ll go to bed myself. I just want to make sure he will be safe.

__

_’I’m not letting him get hurt ever again.’_

__


	4. Bad habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trauma can lead to come unhealthy coping mechanisms, unusual eating habits, and changes in sleeping patterns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh I guess I should warn you guys about vague descriptions of trichotillomania and dermatillomania (hair pulling and skin picking disorders, a type of OCD), some disordered eating, and again some more unhealthy thoughts.

**Bad habits**

**10k pov**

It had been a full day since I more or less shutdown. I still haven’t voiced the _actual_ reason I started to freak out. If they weren’t already thinking about how useless I was becoming I don’t want to give them any ideas. If they _were_ thinking about it... I don’t want to give them any proof of my incompetence. I _need_ to prove I’m still able to do something that helps them. _Anything_.

_Can you do anything to prove that you are useful?_

_It’s a lie to say you aren’t useless now isn’t it._

_They’d be doing you a favor if they got ride of you._

 

“Hey, stop that.” 

My head snaps up to look at Murphy, he has a scowl on his face. 

_He hates you._

_He’s mad at you._

_You disgust him._

Murphy grunts something and grabs my hand, prying it from my face. 

_’Why are my nails bloody?’_

“Jesus, 10... you can’t be doing that...” he sighed, getting up.

_’Can’t be doing what?’_

I watch him move over to the kitchenette, grabbing an alcohol wipe and some... cream? I keep watching him as he sits beside me, rather than in front of me. 

He shifts and one hand reaches for my face, but stops when he sees me flinch. “I’m just gonna clean it up and put something on them so you don’t get an infection, alright?”

I’m still not sure what he means, but I give a jerky nod. Letting him, apparently, clean the sides of my face. It stings a bit so there must be several open wounds. When he is finished I eye the bloody towelette he puts down on the table. 

_‘Why am I bleeding? What did I do?’_

Murphy pauses to open the small tube of... I’m not sure. I know we put it on minor injuries. And he is putting it on my face.

_’It smells really bad.'_

“You know, you’re gonna rip your face apart if you keep scratching like that.” Murphy huffs, wiping the excess ointment on his pants. Before he can get up I reach for his hand. “Need anything?”

I shake my head, but grab the notebook. I’d feel weird if I didn’t say this. 

_”Thank you Murphy”_

Murphy just smiles, “not a problem, 10.” 

Even though he says that, I still feel like a problem.

_You are a problem._

————————————————

I catch a look at my face when I used the bathroom. Both sides of my face were very much _covered_ in small cuts. Like I had been picking small pieces of my skin off. 

And I guess I have been doing just that...

It looked really bad. Like I had just poked holes into my skin. Already scabbing over. I was disgusted with it, but at the same time... I really want to pick the scabs off. It’ll make things worse—but it would also mean I wouldn’t have scabs for a little while. Running my fingers over my face and feeling the scabs catch on calluses and the bandages around my fingers made me dizzy. 

_‘Should I fix it? Or leave them?’_

Doc’s voice made a decision for me. I leave the bathroom to see him, Addy, and Warren are back. I can hear Vasquez doing something outside. 

————————————————

 **Doc pov**

I can hear the bathroom open, and lift my head up to see 10k glancing around. I’ve learned he has always assessed where everyone is, maybe to make a prediction or something. Even before everything, he’s always been that way. 

But what made me a little sick was the state of his face. I was positive it was self inflicted. Lately he had been scratching and tearing at his skin. Mostly his upper arms, and that shows, deep red scratches and some scabs in his shoulders, upper arms, and back of his neck. 

It was a new nervous tick. One that I didn’t know how to fix it. It seems to make him less _anxious_ but at the same time, it could mean an infection if we aren’t careful. 

I just didn’t know what to do. He had a hand in his hair when he sat down, tugging slightly on the hair at the nap of his neck. Another nervous tick.

_’How can I help him?’_

————————————————

Murphy pov

10k and Addy were paired to make ‘dinner’ tonight. Vasquez had found some vegetable garden or something in someone’s backyard. From what I could tell it was carrots, a few tomatoes, and some herbs. 

It smelled pretty good. 

Paired with some canned soap, and stale crackers it won’t be half bad.

_’We are eating like kings now.’_

Looking around I took mental note of everything. Right now we were fuck knows where in the dessert, Warren was trying to get a signal on the radio, Doc was reorganizing medical supplies—he does that a lot now—looking for something, Vasquez was asleep on the couch. He’s gonna has first shift in driving it looks like.

10k startles me when he basically drops a bowl on the table in front of me. “Dinner is ready,” Addy says, joining me and 10k at the small table.

None of us bothered to wait for Warren or Doc to sit down before we started eating. They’d get their share and leave some for Vasquez, waiting didn’t matter as long as we all got food.

I typically ate pretty fast, out of habit I’m sure. But I always waited for 10k to finish. Lately he had formed a ritual, he’d pick at his food, picking out certain bites to eat first, going in some made up order. Then he would move his food around or just stare at it, like it was going to be eaten for him. He struggled to eat full ‘meals’ now. It was making him sick in more ways than one. 

And it was another thing on the growing list of ‘10k’s new and unhealthy cooping mechanisms’. We aren't prepared to help and I don’t know what I can do.

At least this time he ate everything but a few crackers. I watched him put them by the pot of soup for someone else to take. 

————————————————

**10k pov**

As relaxed as I felt with Murphy, I really enjoy being with Addy. She is always nice, and pretty cheerful. Or as cheerful as you could be right now. 

_She only does that because she pities you._

Addy hummed something, nudging my side. “Think the soups done, you hungry?”

_’Not really, no.'_

But I don’t say that, instead I shrug and grab a bowl. I really like these bowls, they are square instead of round and the bottom looks like broken glass. They were in the RV when we raided it and are chipped from use. Whoever had this before us used everything a lot.

I grab another bowl for Murphy as well, wanting to say 'thank you’ for earlier. Maybe this will do. 

We eat in relative silence, only broken by static from the radio trying to switch on and Doc’s odd commentary on random dessert facts. And again I have to force myself to eat. 

For awhile food has been making me sick, I know I _have_ to eat. But every time I do eat I feel like throwing it back up. Maybe I’m sick.

I hope it’s not another side affect of-

_’I’m not gonna finish this.’_

I set the untouched crackers aside for someone else, successfully distracting myself from any other thoughts. I catch Murphy staring at me, smiling slightly. He just smiles more when he knows I saw him, it feels reassuring. 

I just gesture to the back room, hoping he understands I amgoing to bed. By the way he nods and goes to help Doc with the left overs he does. 

 

I find myself curled up in my bunk with one of the blankets off of Murphy’s bunk. If only this time I can have another dreamless sleep. 

Night terrors. Not the first time I’ve had them, definitely not the last, but always just as horrible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the night terrors and flashbacks of the event, heads up on that it won’t be in great detail.


	5. Night Terrors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:
> 
> Night terrors  
> Vague discription of rape  
> Some heavy gore

**Night terrors**

**10k pov**

Where am I— no. No. I can’t be here. Please—no, no, no! 

The lights above me are dimmed, flashing red and white. There is smoke hanging in the air. Nothing feels steady. There is no stability in the room, it feels weighted with static, like a tv switching between channels but can’t find a signal. I know where I am too well, it’s exactly the same.

This can’t be right—I got out. Murphy and me were rescued. I can’t be back here. Why am I back here?

I can feel hot tears running down my face, cold metal around my wrist, that fucking shock collar tight against my throat. I try screaming for help, but my voice doesn’t reach my ears. I can’t be back here—what if I never left?

No. No. No. No. NO! I can’t be here. I _left_. We got away. We got away. We got awa—

_"Thomas, I know you’re in here."_

I look around, my eyes darting to try and find the source of that voice. I already know who it is before he comes into view. 

_'How does he know that name?'_

When I see him I barely stop myself from screaming. His face has changed so much. His lips are pulled back far in an unnerving, leering grin, eye racking over me. That’s when I realize I’m not wearing anything but a pair of thin pants. I realize I’m shaking as he stalks forward. He isn’t human. His arms are slightly too long for his body, his strides are too sharp and heavy to be real. Even through his lairs of clothing I can see his joints stick out at unnatural angles. His eyes almost _glow_ behind his glasses, gleaming from the shadows cast on his face. I know what he wants. 

I try to struggle, to scream for help, to do _anything_. I can’t get away. I can’t move. I can’t scream, or breathe, or blink as he cups my face. His breath smells like blood and rot. Now I can see stained, too sharp teeth lining his sneering smile.

_"I’m going to enjoy this. I’m going to enjoy using you."_

I let out a pathetic whimper, trying not to gag as he _licks_ the side of my face. His tongue feels inhuman, like wet leather and sandpaper, jagged against my cheek. It leaves a burning, acidic smelling trail behind as he _marks_ me. I want to sob but I can’t.

_'I want to die.'_

Suddenly I’m blinded by white hot pain. I can finally scream as I feel like I’m being ripped in two. I feel his claws ripping at my stomach when I register I’m no longer facing him but laying with my chest pressed against the floor. I scream again as I feel blood _pouring_ out of me. I think he ripped my stomach open, I think my guts have spilled from my body. Why else would _everything hurt so bad?_

_"I can’t be the first to want this from such a pretty thing like you. It’ll happen again. Get used to it."_

All I know is I’m screaming, I’m in pain, _I’m dying_. He _can’t_ be right, it’s not true. Murphy said it won’t happen to me ever again. They said I was safe again—they wouldn’t lie.

_"You deserve this. For how you taunted me. For how you show off."_

He shoves my head down, my forehead cracks on the floor.

_"You."_

A hard thrust forces my chest to rub painfully on the rough ground, opening new wounds.

_"Deserve."_

Blood pools below me, seeping into the ground to stain forever.

_"This."_

My thoughts are moving a thousand miles an hour, I’m trying to scramble, to crawl away. When suddenly I’m forced out of his grip. I’m blinded by a sudden light above me, I’m now on my back.

I choke on the air, grasping for purchase as I am pulled away. I’m thrashing against something, someone’s grip. I think I’m screaming, clawing at whatever is holding me down.

_'I need to get away. I don’t want this!'_

“10k! Stop! You’re going to hurt yourself—Addy hold him down!” 

_'Addy?'_

_'Addy please help me.'_

It takes a moment before I can see again. It takes longer for me to take in what I’m seeing. Murphy has me pinned against him, my arms are against my chest. The lights are on. Murphy looks so scared. Addy is over me, sitting on my legs. 

_'Where am I now? Is this real? Please. Please let me be safe.'_

“What the hell is going on?” 

“I don’t know! He just started screaming!”

I can feel myself starting to thrash again, I know I’m trying to speak, nothing but whimpers come out. I want away from them. 

_'I don’t know what’s real.'_

“What do we do?” 

“Keep him still, he’s panicking!” 

“I’m trying to!” 

I realize I’m trying to shove Murphy away from me. I’m sobbing now. I’m so scared. I can hear them shouting over each other, I don’t understand what they are saying though. Murphy still has an iron grip on me, when I start to hiccup instead of sob. Addy puts her hand against my lips and tips my head back. 

Bitter pills hit my tongue as a water bottle is put to my mouth. Addy’s fingers plug my nose forcing me to swallow whatever she just gave me. My head trashed from side to side, I cough and sputter, choking slightly on the water. But I got it down. I don’t know what I took but I guess I took it. 

Murphy keeps holding me, though he is no longer holding my arms against my chest. He is now petting my hair, keeping me against his chest now. 

————————————————  
**Murphy pov**

I was in a dreamless sleep when I heard it. Someone start screaming bloody murder. 

__'10k!'_ _

I nearly stumbled over myself trying to get to his bunk. Addy was already on the bunk, preventing him from kicking or hitting the wall. I moved to grab his wrists, pinning him against my chest. 

“10k! Stop—you’re going to hurt yourself—Addy pin him down!” I’m trying to keep calm as his blunt nails dig into my arms, I move to keep his arms pressed against his chest. 

I only start to understand what he’s screaming when I feel the vehicle stop, he’s chanting out— 

“NO! NO NO NO NO! I don’t want this! I want to die—STOP!” 10k is almost shrieking, his voice cracks. 

“What the hell is going on?” Warren shouts, pushing the door open. 

“I don’t know—he just started screaming!” Addy struggles to speak while also holding him down. 

10k jolts in my arms again, letting out another scream. 

“STOP! STOOOOP! I can’t I can’t I can’t—STOP!” He then starts whimpering softly, whining like he is in pain. 

"What do we do?” Addy braces herself in case he tries to kick her off again, she looks to Doc who is already digging through his bag for something. 

“Just keep him still! He’s panicking." Doc directs. 

__'No shit Sherlock.'_ _

“I’m trying to!” I don’t bother to sound calm. 

10k screams again, shoving himself up almost. 

“I think I have some—here!” Doc places two yellow pills in Addy’s hand. 

10k sobs slowly dissolve into soft hiccups in my arms, whimpering loudly as he still tries to pull away. Tears are streaming down his cheeks at this point. He has stopped screaming, his eyes are wide open and darting around rapidly. I can see his pupils dilate when Addy plugs his nose, forcing him to take both pills before pressing an open bottle against his lips. 

10k chokes, spiting out some of the water and trying to shrink away from her. I can hear him swallow audibly, I watch as Addy forces his mouth open to see if he took them. 

She sits back, then climbs off the bunk. I barely catch her and Warren sharing a look before I turn to Doc. 

“What’d you give ‘im?” I ask, not yet letting go of 10k. 

“Just a medicinal drug, St. John’s Wort. It should help calm him down a bit...” Doc trails off, watching 10k. 

Silence hangs heavy around us before Warren turns to look at the front, nodding once and we start moving again. She then looks back, taking a long moment to look at 10k before clearing her throat. 

“You have three more hours till we arrive at our next stop. I suggest all get some more rest before we get there.” She glances back up at me before nodding and making her way back to the front, Addy and Doc are silent for a moment before they each go back to their spots. Doc made his way to the front shortly after Warren, Addy climbed back into her bunk. 

And I sat still before feeling something nudge against my gut. 10k had knocked his head back. I spared one last glance at the door before looking down at 10k. He was staring straight up, not actually looking at me but more _through_ me. His eyes were wide and glazed over. 

“Want me to move?” I ask him, keeping my voice low and soft. Waiting for his reply. 10k made a small noise, reaching his hand up to my face, I sat stock still when he made contact. His cold fingers brushed against my now warm cheeks. 

After a moment his movements faltered and his hand feel to rest on his chest. 10k knocked his head back again, closing his eyes. 

__’Guess I’m staying here.’_ _

I sigh softly, moving us both so we are laying down. Him laying under my arm, my hand rubbing the small of his back softly. Immediately he grabs my other hand, squeezing almost too tightly. _Why are his hands so cold?_

10k makes no move to close his eyes or rest, but gradually I feel his breathing even out into deep, stable breaths. 

_————————————————_

Seven hours have passed since 10k woke up screaming, four hours since we arrived in a small town that had a previous population of three pre-apocalypse. 10k hasn’t moved from his bunk or made any effort in communication since he woke up. 

I don’t blame him for that, whatever he dreamt must have been... that bastard must have been in there. 

As of now we are in an old mechanics garage, Warren was working on the engine, trying to get a couple hundred more miles out of it. Else we’d have to switch to a new vehicle. I can tell she doesn’t want to. A while ago I overheard her saying it might be bad for 10k if we didn’t have some form of stability in our environment. I guess the _only_ stable thing is what we drive. 

“I’m going to go check on him.” I say, standing up again and ignoring the look Vasquez and Addy share. Making my way back to 10k. 

_For the fifth time this hour._

“Hey, how you feelin’?” I ask, trying to keep my voice even and quieter, but also give him some warning that I’m there. 

10k does't show he heard me, he was still where I left him. He is laying on his side, hugging a pillow, his back to the wall, facing outwards. I stand in front of him, placing my hand on his shoulder while assessing his face. 

His eyes are red now, his cheeks are slightly damp looking, small patches of bloody skin on the side of his face, and his chest moves with shuddering movements. I can see he has a death grip on his pillow, blood under his nails, I can spot how his hairs are standing on end along his arms, his arms lined with red streaks. Small tremors coursing through his body. 

“You ready to eat yet?” 

_————————————————_

**10k pov**

“You ready to eat yet?” Murphy asks, one hand rubbing small circles on my shoulder, almost beside my collar bone. 

__'Am I hungry?'_ _

I shrug, not yet looking at him. Holding back any noises when he pulls away. I listen to his retreating footsteps before closing my eyes again. 

__''Maybe I can will the tears away before he comes back.'_ _

__You mean if he comes back._ _

__What if he doesn’t come back._ _

__'I wouldn’t blame him if he left me. It’s my fault anyways.'_ _

“Okay, think you can keep down some crackers? Doc is making lunch but you should probably eat now...” Murphy speaks, trailing off. I feel his hand on my cheek, brushing under my eye, wiping through the tears again. “10?” 

I flinch away from his hand, only to regret doing so as he pulls it away from me. My eyes snapping open and my own hand darting to grab his wrist. 

__'No. No. No, don’t leave.'_ _

__'Please don’t leave me.'_ _

“Hey, hey. I’m not going anywhere.” Murphy whispers, he doesn’t go anywhere. He stays with me. 

I’m silent when I cry again, no energy to sob and wail anymore. I can’t. 

After the last tears fall Murphy makes me sit up. I then am hit by a massive headache. 

“Drink this.” Murphy says, passing me an open water bottle. It’s cold against my fingers but there isn’t any condensation. I take three long gulps, drinking as much as I can. 

“Good job, you need to drink the rest in a bit. Now take this,” I watch Murphy unwrap something, putting it in my open palm. “This should help a bit.” 

It takes a long moment for me to realize what he has handed me. A green and red sucker, it is melted a bit but still probably sweet. 

_'Still sweet.'_

_'It’s watermelon flavored too.'_

I don’t look at Murphy while I eat, instead looking down at my hands. Murphy then speaks. 

“We are going to try to find another camper later tomorrow, this one is busted. You okay with that?” 

I’m not sure why he is asking that but I nod. 

“And tonight we are staying in a house instead of here, Warren says there is a high chance that a mob of Zs is cutting through. Don’t want to take that risk.” 

I nod again, biting down on the last of the sweet. 

“Doc says there is a safe area just behind this garage, shouldn’t be a problem to get too and we can board it up better than this dump.” 

I nod, chewing on the stick now. Letting him talk about our plans. It’s good we have a plan. It’s great they are _letting me_ know the plan. 

Murphy keeps talking, taking to leaning against the frame of the bunk, he is right in front of me now. I move without thinking. Laying my forehead against the back of his head. One hand bracing on his shoulder, clenching the fabric of a too fancy jacket. 

Murphy’s words don’t pause. Instead he takes it as a _’keep talking’_ and carries on with his one sided conversation. And I let him speak, I let his words block out all other sounds, it feels good. 

I don’t register someone walking in, nor do I acknowledge Murphy talking to them as well. I just let it happen. 

__'I feel safe.'_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My computer broke last week and a few days ago my phone deleted all my work on this chapter! I’m a little salty about that ngl, but I have this one done! 
> 
> I have two ideas for the next chapter, a complete flashback to the event or a sweet little romantic moment for Murphy and 10k? Like truly romantic but nothing graphic. What do you guys think? Too soon for that and just do the complete flashback or romance?


	6. Home Suite Home part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exhausted and running on fumes Warren finds a bit of a safe spot to take a break at.

Home Suite Home Part 1  
Vasquez pov

I was on driving duty, we were looking for a place to haul up for a few days. It’s been four days since we left the garage in favor of an _actual_ house to stay at. The house behind the garage ended up being... 

I thought nothing could shake me after everything I’ve seen but that place was a hell hole to say the least. 

So we needed to find another place to rest up. The sooner we do the better. For _everyone’s_ sanity. We were all getting a little antsy staying in such close quarters for so long and driving for days straight wasn’t helping anyone.

10k had stopped sleeping almost completely. Staying up in the seats behind the driver and passenger seats, right behind Warren at night, holding onto his rifle or slingshot like it was his lifeline. He’d of course go to the bunks at first, then he’d come out and sit down silently. Murphy would then wake up not ten minutes later and sit out with us when he realized that 10k was no longer in his own bed. 

Annoying as fuck.

But it keep Murphy from acting out during the next day. To tired to complain or anything, rather he’d take short naps and keep close go 10k.

Warren suddenly speaks up, pointing to a road sign.

“Honeymooners suites. Wanna see if they’ve got some vacant rooms?”

“Why not, cant be worse than the last place...” 

Turning onto the side road, going from pavement to a cobblestone road, lined with trees and over grown rose bushes. It was probably pretty at one point, maybe the trees were cut to look like hearts or something romantic. Now it just looks like a love story gone to hell.

I don’t even bother to hold back my laugh when I see the entrance. It looks ridiculous.

Chipped paint and faded letters does not help to hide the archway. Vines with budding flowers creep their way up a pale blue wooden arch. Hearts carved into the wood with lanterns hanging from the sides. A small fountain on either side, both broken and covered in algae. There is a massive sign hanging under the arch, the original writing is unreadable. Now it has a poorly drawn pentagram and an even more poorly drawn dick.

“Classy.” Warren muses. Graffiti always is nowadays.

I just grunt in response, pulling in the rest of the way to park. Taking a long pause to assess the state of the resort. It doesn’t look _too_ bad. The front porch is intact, wood doesn’t look rotted, most importantly it looks like no one has been here in a long while.

“Wake one of them up to watch out while we check it out the place? Make sure we can haul up here?” I ask, turning in my seat to face Warren.

She nods after a moment, standing up, “I’ll get Addy,” she pauses before she passes Murphy and 10k. Murphy asleep, head propped up by his hand, 10k wide awake, holding his gun against his chest. I’m not sure who looks worse. 10k doesn’t even look like he’s knows that we’ve stopped, he’s looking out the window but I can tell from here he ain’t registering anything. 

Warren stops in front of 10k, waiting for him to look up at her before pushing his hair back from his eyes. She speaks softly, “10k, we are going to check this place out, do you want to stay here or go in with me and Vasquez?”

10k stares for a moment, looking back out the windshield before looking to her, he then stands up, nodding his head to the door indicating he’s going with us. Warren squeezes his shoulder before heading to the back. I can hear her waking Addy up and telling her to wait up front for us. Murphy stirs at the noise but doesn’t wake up, not even when Addy comes out and sits where 10k was a couple moments ago.

Addy glances at 10k, then to Murphy, a devious look in her eyes. Warren then exits the back, giving Addy a quick look, mouthing something I can’t catch.

Probably _’don’t’_ if I know anything about Addy and her relationship with Murphy.

I grab a pistol, flashlight, and our emergency kit. Warren grabs a gun, her machete on her hip. 10k of course has his rifle and I can see his slingshot in his pocket. We make our way to the entrance, up close it looks even more neglected. The stairs threatened to bow under our feet and the railing looked ready to fall over. 

The porch creaks lowly when we got to the door, 10k crouches down to inspect the lock. Better to spend a couple seconds and let the kid pick the lock than break the lock and have no extra security. Really it’s better than shooting the lock and risking any Zs hearing us. 

10k stands up abruptly, cracking the door open. The hinges groan in protest, me and Warren ready with our weapons for any puppies and kittens. There are none, instead I shine my light into the doorway.

Empty. 

It’s a long hallway with a rug, on both sides are doors and at the end is a staircase leading upstairs. There is a door at the end by the staircase, on the door is a sign that I can read from here. In bold print it says _’wine cellar’_ , I get the feeling it leads downstairs.

“Let’s go in, walk softly.” Warren says, looking at both of us in turn. She takes the lead with me behind her, the kid trails behind us, probably using his infrared scope to check out the corners.

The first few doors weld no Zs, the next has one Z, barely alive, a quick kill from the kid with a knife I didn’t know he had on him. I almost expect to hear him say what number he’s on. It feels wrong to not hear it from him.

Warren looks a bit unsettled by the silence as well, clearing her throat she motions for us to check out the other rooms. Upstairs there were only two more Zs and both looked starved, neither even went for us. 10k killed both of them, and we moved them out the nearest window. 

Downstairs held no more Zs, the cellar was full of old bottles of wine under a thick blanket of dust. We all covered our faces to search through the maze of shelves for something that might be useful.

Nothing. Nothing at all, maybe we could use the wine for something though. We could all use a drink and this stuff looks old. That means it’s probably fancy and expensive wine.

We then look out back to see if they may have an alternate source of power or something. 

10k located a generator and we stood look out while Warren tried to start it. It took a few tries but it turns out this place was big on green energy, solar panels and a water wheel was what I could tell were still putting power into the generator. Warren got it working and the light on the back porch turned on.

Warren smirks, “Now let’s get the others, hmm?”

————————————————

Murphy pov

First thing I noticed when I woke up was that my neck hurt like hell, the second thing was 10k _wasn’t_ sitting in his seat, the third was that instead Addy was sitting there. Smirking at me.

“Morning beautiful, have a nice nap?” 

I growl, looking around then back to her. “Where is he?”

“Hmm?” She purses her lips, looking at me with faux confusion, “who?”

“10k. Where is my-” I cut myself off. 

_He’s not yours, or anyone’s, he’s not property, Murphy._

“-10k. Where is 10k at. He was right there when I went to sleep.” I stand up putting both palms on the table. Glowering at her.

Addy just smirks at me, rolling her eyes. “Relax. 10k is inside. Scoping out the place with Warren and Vasquez.”

_Inside? Inside where? What is she- oh..._

_We aren’t moving._

_We’re parked._

_That mean that... shit what if he gets hurt? What if he panics again? What if they-_

“Murphy, man, calm down. You’re gonna give yourself an aneurism at this rate.” Doc approaches us, yawning slightly, “I’m sure he’s fine. He’s got Warren with him and she won’t let anything hurt him. I know she wouldn’t have asked him to join her if she thought he’d get in trouble.”

“Yeah.” I sit down a bit reluctantly, nodding once. “I guess so..”

I try to relax, really. But I can’t stay still, something churns in my gut. Fear? Worry? Both?

My leg bounces, while I drum my fingers and look around the RV. Doc and Addy are both quiet. I can tell they are watching me.

“What?” I finally snap, both of them look at each other then at me. “If you have something to say then say it.”

Addy smirks, looking at Doc, who nodded, then back to me. “You almost said _‘my’_.”

“What? What the hell are you talking about?” I grit my teeth knowing full well what she is talking about and I’m pissed she caught it.

Addy puts her elbow on the table and he chin on her fist. “You said, _’where is my-10k.’_ Something you want to tell us?” 

“Simple mistake, I haven’t had much sleep and wasn’t thinking right.” 

_Good lie, almost half-assed._

Doc snorts, shaking his head. Addy scoffs at my answer, smirking at me.

“Almost like you’ve been awake, watching someone, checking in on him, staying near him, doting on him.”

“I’m simply concerned about my friend. That’s all.”

Doc sighs, putting his hand on my shoulder. “Murphy, I don’t think that’s all.” He looks at me, his eyes are solemn, “Tell us?”

_Fuck._

“I care about him. I don’t want him to get hurt again. I _need_ to make sure he is safe. It’s my fault he got hurt in the first place and if something like that happens to him again—I can’t stand the fucking thought. That the answer you want.” I snap at them, shaking Doc’s hand away and glaring at the both of them. 

Addy opens her mouth to speak but is cut off by Vasquez entering, he looks at us then jerks his head to the side.

“All clear, grab anything you need tonight and head in.” He says.

I rise to my feet quickly, heading back to grab three things, my coat, the small bag with some of my stuff, and 10k’s backpack. Slipping my jacket on I stand in front of Vasquez, waiting for Addy and Doc to gather what they are taking in with them. Vasquez eyes 10k’s pack, looking at me with slight suspicion but he doesn’t say anything.

 _Good. I don’t need him on my case too._

A minute later we are heading into what looks like a run down hotel? No... bed and breakfast maybe? Couples retreat? Ah whatever it is it’s good enough to stay at.

Warren and 10k are both in the middle of the main room, sifting through a couple discarded suitcases. Against the wall is a small love seat, adjacent to that was a fire place that Vasquez starts to fool with, and a desk is against the far wall. 

I choose to sit down on the loveseat, not right behind 10k but in his peripheral vision so I don’t startle him. I set his bag down about a foot away from him. He doesn’t acknowledge it but I’m sure he’ll see it before he gets up. 

_If he doesn’t I’ll make sure he gets before the morning._

Warren looks at me for a moment before clearing her throat. “Three of the rooms are clear and suitable for sleeping in. You get to choose one.”

Her eyes say choose wisely. I get up. “Where are they? Out side the hall?”

She shakes her head, looking back to what 10k was showing her, a bottle of something. “You need to take the stairs up. These first rooms down here don’t have beds and the ones upstairs are more spacious.”

I nod, stealing one last look at 10k before exiting the room, bag in hand, then climbing upstairs. I looked at the rooms, quickly choosing the one furthest from the stairs but it has a big window leading to a balcony. It’s a great view of the I’m sure once pretty garden and a quick escape if need be. The lights work thankfully. It has a bathroom connected and a walk-in-closest in the bathroom with some clothing still in it. But there is only had one bed—same with all the rooms—which may be a problem but if 10k wants I can sleep on the couch—

If 10k _wants_ to stay in with me. He does not have to.

I suddenly feel awful for even thinking he’d share a room with me by _my_ choice. 10k does not have to do _anything_ just because of me.

Groaning I toss my bag onto the couch. I need to get some sleep. My shoes come off, then my jacket, and I change into some other clothing. Not really clean but fresher than what I was wearing.

“I’m going to bed!” I shout into the hallway. I don’t wait for a response before climbing into bed.

————————————————

I nearly jolt out of bed when I feel cold fingers on my neck. Blinking up at whoever is poking me. 

It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust and when I do I’m looking into green eyes. 

_10k?_

“10k?” I ask, a bit confused before I get really worried. I sit up looking around then at him, “hey, is everything okay?” 

He then shifts on his feet. I notice he doesn’t have his gun with him. 10k looks really nervous, looking anywhere but at me. He just shrugs.

“10k, is something wrong?” I try asking again, I watch him lick his lips before nodding ever so slightly.

“Can you... can you tell me what’s wrong?” 

10k shakes his head.

“Is there something I can do?”

10k hesitates, then nods.

“Okay. Good. What is it?”

This time he bows his head, his eyes dart around the room and then to the bed, looking at my face. 

_I think I know what he wants._

“10k, would you like to sleep in here tonight?” 

He hesitates longer this time, looking at the bed instead of me. 10k looks back at me before nodding.

“Alright, here,” I move over, giving him a good half of the bed. He waits a moment before crawling in, back to me but he lays more on my half than on his. 

“Goodnight, 10k. Sleep well.” I close my eyes, barely catching the small noise he makes, and I roll over to drape my arm over his waist. Trying to chase sleep and only being semi successful in that. I woke up several times in the middle of the night, my mind telling me that I need to check on 10k. Make sure he is still there and alright. I think I woke up a total of seven or eight times before morning broke.

————————————————

10k pov

Murphy had just gone upstairs to choose a room and Warren was discussing who was going to take watch first.

“Warren, you and Vasquez need to sleep if you are going to be the only ones driving. Me and Doc can take first shift.” Addy says, crossing her arms. “And 10k,” She turns to face me, “ _you_ need to rest! You look one wrong move away from collapsing. Me and Doc can handle standing watch.”

“Yeah, chief. We got this. Go rest,” Doc adds, I want to protest but I _can’t_. Not verbally anyways.

It seems Warren and Vasquez are too tired to protest as well, it takes a moment of silence for them to nod. Warren ushers us upstairs, she takes the first room and I know Addy will share it with her if we stay more than a night. Vasquez takes the next room. It’s empty and I can’t say for sure that Doc will room with him, but I think he would. 

“Do you want to share a room with me?” Vasquez asks, turning to me before opening the door. 

I don’t know why, but I feel terrified. I _know_ Vasquez won’t hurt me. I _know_ I’m safe around him. He’s my friend and he’s shown he cares about me. But I _can’t_ shake the feeling of panic that hits me like a z whacker to the gut whenever I’m faced with the thought.

I shake my head stiffly, hoping I don’t offend him or reveal I’m freaking out. He doesn’t seem to notice... or I always look terrified cause I know I’m not exactly hiding it well.

“Alright, get some rest. If you need anything shout—come get one of us. Stay safe, 10k.” He then enters the room, leaving me in the hallway.

Only one room left... the room Murphy claimed...

_Bite the bullet 10k, it’ll be fine... right?_

I slowly open the already slightly open door. The lights are off and I can see Murphy in the bed. I now feel off, like I shouldn’t disturb him. I’ve already been so clingy to him. Murphy has been looking out for me ever since we got saved.

_Fuck it, if he doesn’t want you here he will say it. He’s Murphy for fucks sake._

I slowly make my way over to the bed, noting the small couch with Murphy’s bag and coat strewn across the cushions. I put my stuff on the couch with his, then near silently I get my boots off, extra weapons go with them close by. My gun goes beside the bed with my goggles and gloves.

One deep breath and a shake Murphy’s shoulder. I don’t want to scare him in the morning to me sleeping in bed with him, I want to ask him. 

He stirs a bit but doesn’t wake up so I try my next plan. I _know_ I have cold fingers, and I _know_ that’ll wake him up. 

It does.

Murphy jumps, blinking quickly before focusing on my face. He blinks again before speaking.

“10k?” Murphy asks, his voice is heavy with sleep and I know feel awful for waking him. He sits up, suddenly alert, looking around then back at me. 

“Hey, is everything okay?” He sounds worried and I can feel myself slowly loosing confidence that this was a good idea.

_Maybe I should have stayed with Vasquez._

I look away before shrugging, I shouldn’t have done this. I should have just moved his stuff and taken the couch.

“10k is something wrong?” Murphy ask, his voice is a bit firmer. I lick my lips, mouth feeling dry, before nodding.

_Yeah, I’m actin’ like a kid who wants to sleep in his pa’s bed to keep away the boogeyman. That’s what’s wrong._

_You ain’t my pa and there ain’t no boogeyman to spook me._

“Can you...” he takes a deep breath, “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

My stomach drops and I shake my head before thinking. I _can’t_ tell him. I can’t tell _anyone_.

“Is there something I can do?”

_Should I do this? If I say no he might call for someone else and that’ll just be more trouble for them. Might as well just embarrass yourself and ‘tell’ him now._

I nod once, chewing my cheek and ignoring how humiliated I feel.

“Okay. Good. What is it?” Murphy doesn’t _sound_ annoyed which is good, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t.

I just duck my head, looking around the room then at the bed before looking him in the eyes, hoping he’ll get the message.

Murphy smiles, looking relieved “10k, would you like to sleep in here tonight?”

It takes me a moment of staring at the bed for a long time before looking back at him before I nod.

Murphy shifts, moving over, “Alright, here,” he says. Moving over to give me half.

I crawl in the bed, maybe—definitely—getting on his side a bit—a lot—and I pull the covers up on me. 

“Goodnight, 10k. Sleep well.” He says, I try to answer. To say thanks or goodnight back but all that comes out is a small squeak. 

_’Pathetic, you can’t even sleep alone and you can’t even say thank you.’ ___

__I push those thoughts away when I feel an arm around my middle, grounding me. Only when I start hear Murphy start to snore beside me before I let myself fall asleep. It took staring into the darkness for what feels like forever before I could finally settle enough to drift off. Even then I woke up several times, each time it took longer for me to fall asleep than before._ _

__————————————————_ _

__I’m glad I woke up earlier than Murphy, it gave me time to think a bit and helped me not to freak out at our... position. I had turned around sometime in the night and was practically on top of him._ _

__I’m surprised he hadn’t woken up, but I’m thankful he didn’t. Or at least didn’t wake me up if he did._ _

__I don’t want to think about that scenario..._ _

__I slowly removed myself from Murphy, getting out of bed as silently as I could. Grabbing my only change of clothing I make my way to the bathroom. It’s been over two months now—hell maybe even three, I don’t know anymore—and I still can’t stand the thought of being even _shirtless_ around _anyone_ anymore. _ _

__I hate that. I hate how I can’t get comfortable around my friends. I hate it more than anything. I hate that I’ve had my comfort stolen from me._ _

__I shake my head, shaking away those thoughts for the time being. I need to get changed. I’m quick to strip my shirt, putting on my other before taking off my pants and underwear, changing those just as fast. We need to raid somewhere to get some more clothing, my pants are pretty worn and my shirt isn’t gonna last that much longer if we get in trouble._ _

__Creeping out of the bathroom I see Murphy is still fast asleep, snoring away, and I can’t help the smile that creeps on to my face at how calm he looks. Murphy just looks rested now, he doesn’t seem to be as stressed. Most of that stress is now my fault._ _

__I’m fully aware of how attentive Murphy has been and how little he’s been taking care of himself in favor of taking care of me. I know he feels guilty about what happened, that he was somehow at fault for what he couldn’t stop._ _

__I feel horrible that he is guilty for that. If it’s anyone’s fault it’s mine for goading the Collector on. I _taunted_ him to stall for time when I could have done anything else. I could have fought back harder or screamed louder, I could have done something else to get out of there._ _

__Maybe I spaced out for longer than I thought because Murphy was now awake, yawning loudly. I turned my head to gather my stuff as he stretched out and woke himself up._ _

__“Morning, 10k” he spoke through a yawn, “sleep well?”_ _

__I just shrugged, looking over at him. Trying to figure out how to return the question. Murphy either seemed to tell by my face or he just wanted to talk cause he started rambling about a weird dream he had._ _

__“—And all the Zs were made of fondant and we had to wear heels so they couldn’t see us. Really strange. We all had to hold onto a rope so we wouldn’t get lost and that kept getting stuck in bushes in the middle of a mall.” Murphy said, putting on his shoes while I finished repacking my bag. I snorted softly, raising an eyebrow at that._ _

__Murphy stretches again then starts to the door, “Yeah, really. Have to say, if we need to wear heels to escape a hoard we are _all_ dead, no chance to run we all kept falling over and I broke my ankle three times in the dream.”_ _

__He kept talking as we made our way downstairs, one of his hands on my shoulder in a grounding way. I grabbed his hand before turning into the kitchen to find something to eat. I remember last night there were some cans of soup and some energy bars. Warren was in the kitchen, looking through a cabinet._ _

__“Morning you two. Have a nice sleep?” I nod while Murphy says a simple yes. I start for where I saw the food and pull them out._ _

__“Where’s everyone else?” Murphy asks, sitting down at the small stainless steel table._ _

__“Our back, found a shed this morning, they’re searching it. Why don’t you two eat then then sit in the... the ya know... check in?” Warren pauses, sitting back on her heels before continuing, “we’ll go over our plans when we all regroup.”_ _

__It took a bit for me to get anything down.  
Even half an energy bar was almost too much for me to eat but I somehow managed. Murphy waited for me to finish eating, I’m not sure if he even realized he was waiting for me though. Or if it was just habit at this point. _ _

__The front room was the same as it was last night, bags were still scattered around the floor. I grabbed a random one to continue to search through. Sitting myself down on the loveseat with the bag in my lap._ _

__Murphy took a space on the couch beside me and slung his arm over the back. On impulse I laid back against his bicep. I feel his muscles tense and I think I may need to move, but instead of moving his arm away he shifted so his arm was around my shoulder. Murphy’s hand curled into a fist near my chest and he let me relax against him._ _

__I’m a little shocked that with how much I’ve ended up laying on Murphy that I’m just _now_ realizing how warm he is. Especially for someone who is half Z, I thought he’d be... well, colder. _ _

___I’m not complaining though._ _ _

__Murphy wasn’t speaking as I go through the suitcase for anything useful. So far nothing much, some socks, underwear, toiletries, and some other random items._ _

__Suddenly Murphy’s arm around my shoulder tightened and he sat up straight. I hear Addy’s voice and several footsteps approaching._ _

__I don’t bother to look up when I know they’ve entered the room, I can tell they’ve stopped talking and are staring at us but I’m trying to look busying reading the label of whatever bottle was in the bag._ _

__Mouthwash. We could _all_ use some of this..._ _

__I can feel eyes on me and my skin starts to crawl as I fight the urge to look up and face them. I know why they are staring, hell a few months ago I’d stare too._ _

__“Mouthwash? Can I have some of that?” Addy breaks the silence, crossing the room to sit beside me. I hand her the bottle, she immediately takes a swig, spitting it out of the window closest to us._ _

__Doc pulls up a chair across from the couch, Vasquez grabs two others and I suddenly feel like I’m at an intermission or something. I want to tell them to get away from me but instead I just sink further back into the cushions and Murphy._ _

__Warren comes in after a few minutes of quite talking, I’m still going through the bag and passing things to Addy occasionally. Addy now has a small pile of toothpaste, toothbrushes, and assorted bath products in her lap that is slowly growing. Warren takes one look at us and shakes her head, she’s smiling though so I’m pretty sure she isn’t disappointed or surprised at what we are doing. That’s good._ _

__Warren was quick to lay out an outlined plan, we ended up deciding to stay here for one more day before getting back on the road. Apparently Murphy fell asleep halfway through her explaining why, because I felt his weight shift almost completely on top of me. I try to play it off as if I didn’t notice, but it’s hard to pay attention to what Warren is saying now._ _

__I make brief eye contact with Doc who had been watching us this entire time. He glances from me to Murphy, raising an eyebrow. I feel my cheeks heating up and I’m not entirely sure why._ _

___Then again I’m not sure about anything anymore._ _ _

___Especially when it comes to things involving Murphy._ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was supposed to go up last week but my little sister ended up in the hospital and I had a bit of a breakdown so it wasn’t my top priority. Originally this was supposed to only be one part but it got a little too long so it’ll be two or three parts. I’m sorry for any mistakes I’m still a bit frazzled and my beta tester isn’t available atm.
> 
> So yeah, next chapter will be pretty sweet (suite) and will feature more some romantic or caring scenes I just wanted to post this.


	7. Home Suite Home Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings coming out into the open

**Home Suit Home part 2**

**Warren pov**

I watch 10k out of the corner of my eye, his movements are shaky at best and completely different from usually. I’m actually thinking of letting Doc drug him to get him some sleep. Murphy said he wasn’t sleeping through the nights and when he was asleep he won’t stop tossing and turning. 

I finally stop him when I see him cut his fingers. We had found some fishing supplies and I thought it would be good if he were the one to get it all in order. It was, for a while at least he got into a grove and had fixed one of the poles, now though 10k seemed to be rushing his work. 

“Hey, hey lets take a break. We only need one pole for now. Far as I know you’re the only one of us that can fish.” I say, slowly taking the hooks and fishing line away from him. He nods stiffly, not making eye contact with me but he doesn’t pull away when I take his hands in mine. “Why don’t we clean up your hands? Then me and you can check out that pond out back?”

10k looks at me this time, nodding slowly. It takes me a minute to fix up his hands. Luckily he only pricked his fingers a bit and got some shallow cuts on his palms.

I tell Vasquez where we are heading and to come and get us if anything happens. Vasquez asks if we need him to go with us but I just tell him to check on us in an hour.

The lake is about a few hundred yards behind the inn, it’s pretty big and earlier we found some fishing supplies in the little outpost beside the water. It’s safe to assume someone was doing fishing and that there might still be some fish. Even if we don’t catch anything I know 10k and his pa fished a lot pre-apocalypse so it might help 10k relax or give him a chance to focus on something else.

With us we have the other fishing rod, a bucket, and our weapons. 10k picks a spot on the far side of the lake, our backs will be to a cobblestone wall that is around twelve feet tall and to our side is a small waterway and water mill. It will be hard for anything to sneak up on us in this position.

10k started to set up the pole and I watched out of the corner of my eye. I watched him thread the hook and tie it off. I watched him cast the line into the still water.

The kid sat down beside me, holding the rod in one hand, his other hand in his lap. 

“It takes a while for them to bite, right?” I ask, breaking the silence. 

10k nods, then makes a vague gesture to the water, moving his fingers the same way you would to taunt a cat. He was struggling to find a way for me to understand him.

“Where’d your notepad go?” 

He just shrugs, grabbing a stick he writes in the dirt we are sitting on.

_‘Couldnt find it this morning’_

After a second he writes again.

_’Think I left it in the RV some where’_

“Huh, guess we will have to find it soon.” I say, looking at the words in the dirt.

10k brushes them away before writing something else.

_’its gonna take longer for the fish to bite with no bait’_

That makes sense, so we need some worms. Maybe we can dig some up.

10k pokes my shoulder, pointing to the soil. 

_’dont need live bait  
Something flashy will work to’_

“Like a necklace? Or...”

_’we werent prepared for this  
Were we?’_

I let out a laugh, shaking my head I look through the bag we brought. “I don’t think we were...”

While I’m searching through the bag for something to use as a lure 10k makes a noise. Getting to his feet he slowly walks back from the water. For a second I thought he was going to run, but he is watching the water.

A small tug on the line makes and it seems we’ve got something. It takes no time at all for him to reel the fish in.

“Well I don’t think that’ll feed us. Do you throw small ones back?” I ask, looking at a fish no bigger than my hand.

10k shakes his head and grabs his knife from his pocket, he cuts the head off and tosses it into the water. Putting half of the body onto the hook he grins.

_’got bait now’_

I smile as he recasts the line, it takes much less time for a fish to bite this time. This one is bigger too, about eight inches.

10k holds the fish by the hook through its lip. He grabs the bucket before cutting right under the fish’s jaw then drops it in the bucket and pries the hook out.

I can hear the fish thrashing every once in awhile as he puts the rest of the small fish on the hook. We don’t get as lucky with getting a bite quickly this time. Instead we wait in silence and watch the red bobber float in the water.

An hour has passed when we get another fish, just as 10k is getting the hook out I spot Vasquez making his way to us. He’s got something in his hands and looks agitated. 

Vasquez stops beside me, sitting down. He hands me a water bottle and a candy bar. He waits for me to take a sip and a bite from the chocolate—dark orange, not bad—before talking.

“Murphy is getting antsy, won’t stop pacing around.” Vasquez looks at the fish bucket before looking back at me. “Doc and Addy seem to know something as well.”

I shrug, handing 10k the water bottle and taking the pole so he can drink. Something is up with Murphy and I have a feeling I know what it is. 

“Think I should have a talk with Murphy?” I ask, “make sure _he’s_ okay?”

“I don’t know, he isn’t acting like normal and has just been less... Murphy like.” Vasquez rubs a hand over his face. 

I don’t know how to respond to that, and luckily 10k gets a bite before I have to answer.

“How many have you caught?” Vasquez changes the subject, watching 10k.

“Two. Well three if you count this one and four if you count the one we used for bait.”

————————————————

**10k pov**

I try to—I really do _try_ —to ignore Warren and Vasquez talking about Murphy. Ain’t my place to listen in.

I’ve never been so glad to hook a fish, I’m glad for a distraction from them talkin. They quiet down as I’m getting the hook unstuck from this trout. I look up to see Murphy has joined us.

“Will someone end my suffering?” He throws his hands up. I can’t really tell who he’s talking to. 

“What is it now?” Warren asks him, sitting back.

“Addy and Doc won’t _leave me alone!_ They keep... talking about stuff.” Murphy throws his hands up, a bit dramatic even for him. 

Warren sighs and gets up, “I’ll see what’s up, you three good out here?”

She and I make eye contact and I nod once, turning back to the fish in my hand. I have yet to put in the bucket or get the hook out. I hear Vasquez make a noise of affirmation and Murphy sit down.

Murphy sits down beside me. Not even a foot away from me. I glance at him from the corner of my eye, he’s looking out onto the water.

I cast my line back out before sitting down. I make an effort to keep my gaze on the red and white bobber floating in the water. It’s silent but it’s a comfortable silence.

————————————————

**Murphy pov**

I was glad to get away from Doc and Addy’s prying. The entire time I was with them they both kept asking what I meant by _’I care about him.’_

They won’t drop it and I can’t stop thinking about what would happen if _10k_ found out. He’d be freaked out, maybe he’d start to hate me, maybe he’d avoid me. I can’t think of a positive outcome for if he found out about it. 

10k makes a noise beside me, moving to his feet I watch him. It doesn’t take long before the line actually snaps. 10k doesn’t seem too surprised. He stares at the water for a long time before grabbing the bucket and his bag. 

“Done?” Vasquez asks, getting up and stretching. “What snapped the line?” 

10k shrugs, glancing at the lake. 

“Maybe a Z got stuck under the water.” I say. Vasquez nods but 10k shakes his head. “What? You think a fish did that?” 

This time he nods his head, smiling. He holds his hands about three feet apart then shrugs. 

“I’m gonna say you’ve had that happen before?” Vasquez opens the door for us and 10k nods. We get into the kitchen and Warren is there, 10k drops the bucket in one of the sink basins. I sit at the middle table and pretend to listen to what Warren and Vasquez start to talk about. 

I don’t actually stare at 10k, but I do make sure he’s in my field of vision. Just in case. I let myself zone out, listening to the conversation beside me and the rhythmic sound of 10k cleaning the fish. And I do relax. 

That is until Warren puts her hand on my shoulder and motions for me to follow her. 

_This is going to end badly. Isn’t it?_

Warren ends up taking me out onto the front porch. She crosses her arms across her chest and gives me ‘the look’. 

She knows everything. 

**————————————————**

“What if he is only clinging to you because you saved him? What happens if he comes to find out he doesn’t love you? You’ve fallen for him Murphy and what if he is only acting for the time being?” Warren is doing a remarkable job at keeping her voice calm. I’m sure if I were to look at her she would look just as calm as she sounds. “What happens if he doesn’t love you?” 

“...I... I don’t care. I don’t care if he uses me for comfort, I don’t care that when—not _if_ but _when_ —he gets better that he no longer _needs_ me. What I want right now is to _help_ him.” I take a deep breath and I rub my hand across my face. “I want to help fix him. I don’t care what I have to give but I—it shouldn’t have happened... if I can give up something— _anything_ —to make 10k feel like he used to then I’ll give up everything I can.” 

“Murphy you can’t give up—you don’t have to—“ 

“You’re right. I don’t have to, I want to. I can’t bare this, I can’t take it.” I don’t know if I’m crying but I feel Warren’s hand on my back and I feel my gut swirl. My voice breaks when I speak again, “I couldn’t do anything to save him then—maybe I can do something to save him now.” 

“Murphy. Murphy look at me.” I barely make eye contact before Warren pulls me into a hug. I don’t know what to do. “Now I’m going to tell you something. And it might seem unhelpful and completely wrong but you need to listen to me. Understand?” 

“Yes?” I nod, not completely sure what else to say. 

“You aren’t helping him by doing this. I know you want to give up everything but _neither_ of you are to blame for what that man did to 10k _and_ you.” She holds me at arms length before continuing, “If you keep doing this to yourself he’s going to catch on. You know him, 10k will only blame himself if you crash and burn, Murphy. You can’t do this, it’s not good for either of you and you _both_ deserve to heal, to get some closure. You need to talk to him about this.” 

That makes me freeze. 

_What the hell am I supposed to say to 10k?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this ends on a bit of a cliffhanger? There’s gonna be some mushy fluff in the next chapter and some closure.  
> Again no editor for this chapter  
> I’m going to really try to do better on writing this and my other stuff evenly and hopefully I’ll be posting more when finals are over.


	8. Broken Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murphy has night terrors, 10k helps, then the group finds themselves in a suspicious home after saving some young survivors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- All misspellings, bad grammar, punctuation, and capitalization when 10k writes is intentional. I'm using that to allude/show his lack of practice and education as well as bad handwriting
> 
> \- A bit more mentions of the rape in this chapter and there will be more in depth scenes in the next few chapters
> 
> I think that's it. 
> 
> Enjoy the story!

**Broken Together**

**10k Pov**

We had left the ‘safe house’ about a week and a half ago and were currently back on track headed to California after everything. Now parked in a small town that was probably once an old western recreation-slash-amusement park pre-Z, we were taking a break. Before heading out, Warren said I was to watch Murphy and make sure he rested up. She and the others then left to search the town. 

The van is mostly silent as Murphy sleeps on the couch, one arm dangling off the side and the other thrown over his eyes. I tried to put a blanket over him but he kicked it off twice before I gave up and folded it. He was sleeping soundly for the most part. Sometimes he’d mutter or shift in his sleep but he didn’t wake up.

While he slept I made sure the area around the RV was Z-free. This was mostly so I had a distraction since the Zs didn’t bother us with Murphy so close. Feeling bored, I decided I could always brush up on the ASL book Addy found yesterday. It’s been awhile since I’ve had to sign—so long, in fact, I had forgotten it was an option. I’d only ever used sign language with my pa and uncle before the apocalypse started, and even though I forgot I knew it I still think I’m fluent. It was nice to find out Warren knew it pretty well. Apparently Antoine’s brother was deaf and she learned it for him. Me and her would sometimes go over the book of basic signs and practice them, refresh our memories. Murphy, Addy, Doc, and Vasquez were all trying to pick up on the basics. Signing is easier than having to write everything, that’s for sure. It’s easier for everyone else to understand too considering my handwriting is pretty awful. But instead of browsing through the ASL or practicing to make my handwriting readable, instead I was out here killing Zs that wouldn’t even step twenty feet close to the camper.

_4,423_

_4,424_

_4,425–_

“Don’t touch him...” Murphy said, making me turn around. He sounded _desperate_ and _scared_. “Stop! Please—“

I dropped my slingshot and was over beside him before I could process what I was doing. I shook his shoulders, trying to wake him up before whatever he was dreaming about got worse. 

_It doesn’t help that you can’t speak anymore._

_‘Not the time’_

Murphy’s words were sounding less like words and more like mush by the second. I tried to shake him harder; I tried to ignore what he was saying too. I failed at that.

“Please—it’s my fault! Don’t hurt—NO!” Suddenly Murphy jolted forward; nearly knocking me on my ass. His eyes darted across the room before settling on me. I held his stare before he broke down.

Sobbing he latches onto me, hiding his face in my neck. I wrap one arm around his back; my other hand goes to pet his hair in what I hope is a soothing way. Murphy’s arms are tight, almost too tight, around my torso.

“I’m sorry—I’m sorry I couldn’t—“ Murphy chokes out, tears soaking my shirt but I just held him tighter. I let him cry while I stroke his back and hair. I can’t tell if he is actually awake yet, or just reliving everything. 

When I start to pull away he panics, grabbing my arms to keep me close. “Please stay—I can’t—“

I just nod and move so we can sit on the couch. We are facing each other and his head is resting in the crook of my neck. Murphy stays like that for a few minutes while I rub his back. Eventually Murphy starts to breath normally again and he pulls back, rubbing his eyes.

_Headache. He probably needs some water._

I move to grab a bottle beside the sink, handing it to him before I wet a rag to wipe his face off with. I wait for him to finish half the bottle before giving him the cloth. 

“Thanks,” Murphy mutters, he wipes his face off then looks at me. “Sorry.”

I grab my notepad from its place on the table and scribble down;

_”for what”_

It takes Murphy a moment before he talks again, “I’m sorry because I shouldn’t be the one—I... I shouldn’t leave you to deal with me. It happened to you. I wasn’t the—I should just deal with it. I didn’t—“

I grab onto his shoulders, shaking my head so he’ll shut up and listen—stop talking. 

_”we both got hurt Murphy  
He hurt you too”_

“He got...” Murphy takes a deep breath, “I shouldn’t make you deal with me, especially with—with me.”

_”youve helped me so much  
Let me help you”_

Murphy doesn’t say anything for the longest time; he just stares at the pad of paper in my hands, at my awful chicken scratch. Then he nods, “Alright. Fine.” 

_”lets heal together then”_ That's the last thing I get down before the door to the RV is pushed open, Doc is the first one in. He doesn’t have anything in his hands but he does have his bag. Then comes Addy, then Vasquez, then Warren, who closes the door. Addy and Vasquez both have their arms full of stuff and Warren has a ‘new’ backpack on her shoulders.

“So here’s the plan,” Warren says, dropping her bag on the floor. I can tell she tries to make as little noise as she can, but that doesn’t stop me from flinching slightly when the bag hits the ground. “We found _some_ supplies—food and water—but we need some extra hands to load it all up.” 

I nod once and steal a glance at Murphy. He’s not looking at her but at my hands. He nods though and that’s good enough.

————————————————

It had obviously once been someone’s old hideout, but now there were guts and the occasional limb strewn across the main room. But then I spot a wall that has supplies up against it, and T spot more supplies scattered across the room.

“It was like this when we got here. Well there were Zs all over but, ya know,” Addy says, grabbing some of the packs. I help her steady them before grabbing a package of Gatorade bottles, all unopened and only missing one. Pretty good.

As we load all of the stuff up into the RV's kitchen a sudden loud scream stops us from finishing. I drop the pack in my hands out of shock and grab my rifle. I head outside.

Moving quickly we see a small group of people being chased by Zs. I shoot down most of them, adding six to my count. Then as we get closer I get a good look at who we saved.

There are three people, two girls and one guy. One of the girls is a blonde while the other girl and the guy both have red hair—not like Addy’s red, but more natural. Each of them are in their mid twenties, about the same age as Addy. The girl with red hair starts talking first.

“You saved us? They saved us!” She sounds like she doesn’t believe what just happened was real. Turning to the other two she starts talking again, “We're saved! We need to—“

“Yes we need to—“

“It’s only right,” The guy finishes. They turn back to us with—only mildly—unnerving, matching smiles.

“Okay, that’s creepy,” Addy whispers to me, holding my upper arm. I lick my lips and make a small noise that I hope comes out as;

_’Fuck yeah it is’_

We let Warren talk to them. They insist on repaying us repeating how they would be ‘punished by the greater power’ for not helping us. It takes some convincing, but Warren agrees. The red headed girl, whose name is Flora, tells us that at their base they have to find a way to repay us in full. The other girl, Abigale, and the guy, Finnic, says that it would be a proper exchange and that their ‘family’ would agree with them. They are more than a bit unsettling and I’m hoping that they aren’t anything like the ‘family’ Cassandra was forced into or like the Sisters of Mercy.

The RV feels more cramped now, I sit in the farthest corner from them. My gun tight in my hands, knuckles white, while Murphy sits right beside me, his shoulder pressed against mine and after a few minutes of driving his hand covers mine on my knee.

“You doing okay?” Murphy asks, his voice barely above a whisper. I shrug and grab the pad.

_”ya, people  
how bout you?”_

“I’ve definitely been better. Could be worse though.” 

He isn’t wrong about that.

————————————————

When we arrive at their safe house, which is a large white and brick building that Addy says was once a country club, the outside of the building is surrounded by a fence lined with spikes. Flora immediately steps out and waves her arms, shouting something I can’t make out. The fence starts to open though.

We park the van and one by one we get out, Finnic and Abigale first, then Warren, and I get out last. An older man steps out of the front doors—dressed in an all white suit except for a purple vest and red bow tie. He practically bounces down the steps to Flora, hugging her tightly before he turns to us.

“My children, who have you met?” He asks, not looking away. 

“They saved us! We were out searching for more plants and herbs when a hoard started on us! We were going to die but they saved us!” Finnic shouts, I can see Vasquez wince as he slaps his shoulder. 

Warren starts to speak with the man. I don't really pay attention as the man introduces himself. I do catch his name, Dr. Theo Alk. Then I suddenly feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Snapping my head up I see a guy on the front steps staring at me. I feel my gut turn and I get light headed before Murphy puts an arm around my waist.

————————————————

**Murphy Pov**

Warren is actually considering letting these people _’help’_ us. They do keep insisting that they have to or else ‘terrible things will befall them’. I feel the kid tense up next to me, and when I look he’s gone pale. He seems to be staring straight ahead at a guy on the front stairs.

Without thinking I put my arm around 10k’s waist, glaring at the man. 10k snaps out of it and looks at me, but he doesn’t push my arm away, nor does he looks scared—scared of me at least—so I keep it there. The man looks away and 10k grabs onto one of my belt loops. I tune out everything until Warren ushers us into the building. I catch her eye and she looks at my arm around 10k.

“I’ll explain later.” I duck my head when I speak. Warren nods but I can feel her eyes on me—us—as we are lead upstairs to a large dining room. I keep 10k close and he just tightens his grip on my pants. From the corner of my eye I watch 10k’s eyes scan the entire room. I can feel him stepping impossibly closer to me. Warren is on my other side. Our arms barely brush before she turns to face me. She crosses her arms over her chest when the other people vacate the room, leaving just our group.

“Wanna explain?” Warren doesn’t ask, no she demands I explain.

“Some guy was staring at 10k. Needed him to back off and I didn’t want 10k to panic....” I look over at her and shrug, “...so I panicked. But! It worked!”

“Lucky it did,” Addy said somewhere to my right, I look to glare at her but she just smirks. 

I don’t get to speak before the doors are being opened again and Dr. Alk, comes in with four people trailing behind him. He claps his hands together softly and smiles.

“We have come up with our repayment! For saving Flora we will treat you to dinner. For saving Finnic we will provide you with medical care or supplies. And for saving Abigale we will give you fresh clothing and a place to rest.” Dr. Alk pauses and smiles, “please accept our gifts. We cannot live knowing that we had not repaid our debts.”

Something about him makes me pull 10k closer. I steal a glance at 10k to see he’s looking down at his feet. He looks like he’d run if I didn’t have a hold on him. Dr. Alk keeps talking, droning on about how he and his family, his _patients_ actually, were a pacifist group. How they believed that through hard work, balanced living, and giving to one another they could survive anything. They only believed in an eye for an eye if it was good for both parties, they were never to intentionally cause harm to another human, and if harm came to them they must _let it pass_. That it was meant to happen.

_Complete bullshit._

Warren sighed, looking at all of us before nodding. “Alright. We, we will let you repay us. But we are keeping our guns.”

“Understandable. Whatever makes you feel most comfortable. We have two rooms for you down the hall with your choice of clothing. Make yourselves at home and dinner will be served at 7 o’clock sharp.” With that the Doctor left the room, leaving us with Abigale and Flora. They smiled and waved for us to follow them. 

The entire time they lead us to our rooms they talked. They talked so much it was nearly impossible for me to ignore them. 

The rooms they lead us to were two large bedrooms with a living room connected. I have no fucking clue how it looked pre-Z but I’m guessing it was an office of sorts.

“Connected to each room is a personal bathroom. And if you need another there is one across the hall.”

“Please relax, explore, or get changed if you wish. One of us will come get you fifteen minutes before meal time. Afterwards we have group down by the fire pit.”

Both girls left after that, but we all stayed stock still, eyes glued to the door before Addy broke the silence.

“Wait group? You think this guy is a therapist doctor and not like a.. a...”

“Drug doctor?” Doc finishes, trying to ease the mood.

Vasquez nods, “He did say everyone here is one of his patients. Maybe he was a counselor or a psychologist.”

_Maybe he can help 10k._

Warren clears her throat while looking in the other rooms, “We can find out at dinner. Right now let’s see what they left us.” 

Turns out they left us with some pretty good stuff. Most of the clothes had new tags on them. Most of them fit pretty well.

Yet I couldn’t help but feel like I was being dressed up to be in the zombie freak show as ‘THE MURPHY AND HIS AMAZING ZOMBIE BOY’ again. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

_In through your nose._

_Out through your mouth._

_In through your nose._

_Out through your mouth._

_Repeat as needed._

————————————————

Dinner comes faster that expected. It’s also over faster then expected. We were told to eat in under thirty minutes so we would have time for group. 

Dinner was good though, salad and tea. No meat, so there isn’t much of a chance of them being cannibals. Although I wouldn’t have been too upset if they were, if it meant we could leave sooner. 

10k didn’t eat much. I watched him move the food around his plate, and I noticed he’d take bites whenever anyone else looked at him, but he barely got a third of his food down. 

After dinner though....

_This is hell._

....I was trapped in the middle of a share circle and I lost 10k. Hell, I lost everyone. I couldn’t see anyone from our group and these people were annoying the hell out of me.

Everywhere I turned I was cornered and these people kept asking about my life. Not about the cure or me being blue; no, they wanted to know about my childhood, about what I was pre-Z, about how I found my friends. 

_I’m going to bite one of these assholes if I don’t get out of here!_

————————————————

**10k Pov**

I don’t know where I am. All I know is I’m somewhere upstairs. I can’t find anyone else and I _don’t_ want to go down to the ‘group activity’ area. Cause what if none of them are down there and I get stuck with these people. 

What if I was alone down there and someone—

_Not now please._

I push through my thoughts and wander the halls, before literally running into Dr. Alk. Stumbling backwards he catches me by my arm. 

“Are you alright, son?” the man asks, he looks concerned and I just nod. “You seem lost, child? Do you need help?”

I barely nodded before he is walking away. And for someone who looks so weak he is really fast, I actually struggle to keep up with him.

“I actually have a few questions, 10k? That is what you call yourself, right?” I nod and he keeps talking. “Now I want to start off saying you are safe here. I know that you’ve been through a lot.”

My blood runs cold. I don’t know if I should run but I know that if I do I’ll get lost. I can probably take him down if I need to. 

_Maybe he’s just talking about the General apocalypse and not about that._

I nod stiffly and he keeps talking, going on about how he’s seen so many things and how many people here are ‘just like me’. Abruptly Dr. Alk stops walking, stopping in front of an open doorway with no door. The wood is splintered like someone ripped the door—or doors, it looks like there were two—off its hinges.

“Now, 10,000, would you mind sitting with me? Warren said she would meet me here to discuss the rest of your groups payment. You can wait for her in my office,” he says, turning to me to smile. “Warren should be here in a few minutes.”

I lick my lips. My gut is telling me to run but Dr. Alk hasn’t given me a reason to distrust him. But my pa always said to be wary of everyone till they prove trustworthy. 

_You’ve got your gun. Just don’t take anything he gives you, stay alert. You don’t have a shock collar on this time._

Against my better judgment I nod, stepping in his ‘office’ after him. It’s a large room with bookshelves—empty ones—built into the wall. There is a desk with large windows behind it and no other doors.

 _Only a two story drop if you need to get out through the window. You can use the chair in front of the desk to break a window. No weapons out in the open; he might have a gun under his desk though._

I watch him as he sits down. He opens a notebook on the desk and grabs a pen. He starts writing but I make no move to get closer to see what he’s writing. I walk over to one of the side walls, I don’t want to risk having my back open to someone behind me and I want to keep my escape options high. 

“Now, son, I have a few questions to pass the time. Just simple questions, but ones that... that might be a bit odd.” Dr. Alk looks up at me as he folds his hands in front of him. “I know what happened. And it’s okay.”

I freeze. The edges of my vision start to go dark and I feel my neck heating up, a cold sweat pooling under my clothes.

“It’s okay. In fact! It is just the plan of the universe. Many people get coerced into sex without fully wanting to. But it’s alright, it was meant to happen,” Dr. Alk continued talking. Suddenly I can't breathe. He keeps talking but I can’t make out anything he is saying. I can only make out bits and pieces.

_**”It was meant to happen. It is what the universe wanted for you, I’m not saying you necessarily deserved it but since it happened I'm sure you did something to warrant it. You can always correct it—“** _

I suddenly push myself off from the wall and fly out the door, nearly falling over my own feet. I collide with another person and push them away in my panic.

“10k! 10k, what happened?” I am grabbed by the person and it takes me almost too long to realize it’s Warren. “10k, breathe. Shh, shh, it’s okay I’m here.” 

————————————————

**Warren Pov**

I wasn’t expecting to nearly be knocked over when I arrived at Alk’s office. I _really_ wasn’t expecting it to be 10k that nearly knocked me on my ass. When he collided with me he tried to shove me away as well but lost his footing.

“10k! 10k, what happened?” I grab his arm and chin, forcing him to look at me. His pupils are dilated and he is ghastly pale. He twitches and tries to pull away but I hold on tight. 10k starts to hyperventilate, with tears starting to stream down his face. I pull him further out into the hallway, “10k, breathe. Shh, shh, it’s okay I’m here.” 

10k seems to snap out of it and jerks, nearly falling over himself to pull away from me. He keeps looking around, eyes wide, always coming back to the door. 

_Dr. Alk._

10k is suddenly pulling away from me, falling flat on his ass and scrambling backwards to the wall. I look over my shoulder to see Dr. Alk in the doorway, staring at him. Alk takes one step towards us before I’m drawing my knife.

“You stay back,” I point the knife at him and he takes a step backwards into the office. I keep my knife drawn as I crouch down so that I'm eye level with 10k. He looks straight at me and shakes his head. Slowly he brings his hands in front of him, making an A with his left hand and raising it up, his right underneath. 10k repeats this several times before it clicks what he is signing.

_”Help.”_

I hoist him to his feet, looking over my shoulder at Alk who hasn’t moved yet. “What the hell happened?”

“What did he say?” Dr. Alk avoided my gaze and staring at 10k.

“Answer the question before I make you. What. The. Hell. Happened.”

“We just talked. I am a therapist and I figured I could... help him. I know how to counsel rape victims, Warren.” Dr. Alk looked oddly calm for a dead man walking. Before I could make a move on him I felt 10k grab my arm and tug. Glancing back I made a quick decision.

To leave.

“We aren’t staying the night. Sorry.” I turn around, motioning for 10k to walk ahead of me. We walk in silence for the most part, 10k turns back several times to check behind us, he has a knife in a white knuckled hand. 

From the corner of my eye I see Vasquez leaning against a wall, being talked to by four others. I put a hand on 10k’s shoulder. “Wait here, I want to tell Vasquez something.”

Vasquez looks up when he hears me, then pushes his way to me through the people crowding him. He looks behind me at 10k, then back at me, “Hey, what’s... what happened?”

“Long story, might be able to tell later. But I need you to find everyone else. I’m talking 10k to the RV and we are leaving tonight.” I wait for him to nod before turning around. “Thanks. Be as quick as you can.”

 

————————————————

It’s quiet in the RV. I’m in the driver's seat and 10k is curled up in the passenger's seat. His legs are pulled up on the seat and his forehead is resting on his knees. I just got him down from a panic attack that happened the moment we stepped into the RV.

The door opens and from the rearview mirror I can see Doc is the first one to come inside. From the corner of my eye I see 10k curl up tighter. He is trying to hide from them.

“Keep the talking to a minimum; no questions until we are on the road,” I say after everyone is inside, turning on the camper. “Let's get the hell out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIG thank you to EvilAdmin who beta'd this!! I think that the suggestions and edits to this story made it so much more cohesive and I really appreciate the help! Thank you so much!!


	9. The Collector

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to where it all went to hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning  
> Semi-graphic depictions of rape  
> Mild injuries  
> And minor character death

**The Collector**

_Murphy Pov_

I was glad to get the fuck out of that place and to get the fuck away from that creepy ass family. But not like this though.

Not with 10k curled up around his gun. Not with dried tear tracks on his face. Warren won't tell anyone what happened and I feel helpless. Just as helpless as I did when we were tortured and he was raped. Like I’m tied down and drained of everything all over again.

————————————————

I groan softly as I creep back into consciousness. My head is killing me, I’m sore everywhere, and I don’t remember where I am.

Until I do.

My eyes open and I try to sit up, only to be stopped by restraints around my arms, thin rope that if I calmed down enough and hadn’t been drained of blood I could probably break. Looking around I see 10k unconscious on the floor, facedown with his arms tied behind his back. He is still wearing that shock collar.

_I’m still wearing a shock collar._

Before I can call out to 10k I hear him groan, then I hear a door open and a faint buzzing before—

“AGGGH!!”

White hot pain shoots down my spine, I struggle to catch my breath when I feel it again. Not as intense this time but enough to make it so I can’t see straight.

“What... what the hell was that for?” I pant, glaring at our captor. 

The Collector smirks and shrugs, “I had to make sure you two wouldn’t jump me. You’ve been out quite some time and I was worried you’d... fight back again.”

I feel a tiny bit of satisfaction when he touches the bruise on the side of his face. 10k sure packs a punch.

“You’d deserve it if we did. What the hell are you planning?” 10k snarls, now awake thanks to our captor and these damn collars. He's out of breath but still sounds menacing. 

The Collector doesn’t bother to answer us, he just gives another click to that fucking remote and lets us feel the electricity for a few moments before letting up. When my vision comes back he’s standing over 10k, holding him up by his hair. 

He then slams 10k’s face into the floor and steps on his right shoulder. A loud crunch echoes through the room, bouncing off the walls and I can't suppress my scream.

“WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT? HE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!” I scream, pulling at my binding. Praying to no one that the crunch was from his nose and not his arm.

10k groans softly, choking on what I’m hoping is spit and not blood. The Collector shrugs.

“It’ll be easier the less he can fight back. It’ll also be easier if you don’t piss me off, Mr. Murphy.” The way he grins as he speaks and the way he tugs 10k back onto his knees makes me want to vomit. “You see, if you’d bitten him we wouldn’t be in this mess. If you two just _behaved_ for me we wouldn’t have to do this. But...” He stops talking to pet 10k’s hair and I feel my gut drop when he speaks again, “... he’s almost pretty enough to be a girl, so he’ll have to do. And remember Murphy, you could have prevented this. This is your punishment.”

10k looks confused and uncomfortable. He tries to push the Collector off of him. “What the hell are you talking about?” 10k snarls, wincing when he’s shoved back onto the floor.

“Listen, sweetheart, if you keep talking I’ll just make it more painful.” The Collector pushes down between 10k’s shoulder blades, adding pressure to whatever injuries he has. 10k lets out a pitifully loud whimper and struggles to get away, kicking back at the Collector. 

“Get away from me! What the hell are you talking about?” 10k shouts, not bothering to hide how scared he is.

I hear another buzz as the Collector flicks the switch again. When I come to my senses again I’m staring at the ceiling and I can _hear_ what the Collector is doing to 10k. I don’t want to see it; I don’t want it to be real. I want it to be a bad dream due to one too many electric shocks.

Another shock runs through my body and I can’t help but look over. I feel like I’m going to throw up.

10k is on his knees with his chest against the floor, his pants are pulled around his knees. There are bruises all along his thighs and from what I can see, on his hips as well. There’s also blood, not a lot but enough to make me panic.

“STOP! GET AWAY FROM HIM!” I’m screaming before I can stop myself and I’m thrashing against my binds. 

He doesn’t shock me though; he ignores my screams and keeps going—keeps raping 10k. 

_And I can't stop him._

Suddenly a loud bang stops him though. Someone is pounding on the front door—

_Please let it be Warren._

The Collector stands up slowly, kicking 10k so he’s laying on his side—his bad side from how loudly 10k gasps. “Both if you stay here. It appears I’ve got guest.”

With that he leaves, closing the door behind him. I stare at 10k, not daring to look anywhere but his face—I can’t. I don’t get a chance to speak before 10k sits up on his knees, wincing the entire time. I watch him but I can’t tell what he’s trying to do until I see a glint of something behind him. 

_What the—_

10k stands up and pulls his pants up, he’s wobbling but he isn’t tied up anymore. I’m guessing he had a knife or something in his pocket to cut the rope. 10k starts to cut through the ropes around my wrist. I sit up when he’s done and for a moment we don’t speak. I get a good look at him and I can see the right side of his face is starting to bruise, his nose is bleeding a lot, and he’s holding his chest. I hope he didn’t break a rib but I can’t tell right now. 10k is looking at me, trying to assess me I guess. We just stare before 10k looks at the door and back at me.

_Fuck, we need to... fuck._

“Okay I have an idea, but I need a knife.” I say. 10k hesitates before checking his pockets. He pulls out a smaller knife from his boot and hands me the large one he used to cut us free. 10k clutches the other knife in his hands tightly. “We need to hide—Er... just... just follow my lead, okay?”

10k nods and steps back, he’s shaking terribly and looking around, like that bastard could pop out of anywhere. I slowly stand up, walking softly to the door. 

The door is set out from the wall, leaving about a foot for us to hide. I hold the knife tightly before—

“Shock collars. Kid let me get yours off then you..” I trail off, looking at 10k. I can see him hesitating. I can see he doesn't want me to touch him, and I don’t completely blame him. He does let me use the knife to break the lock, and the collar drops to the floor. I lean my head back and I hear him break the lock on my own collar. “Okay... here’s the... the plan. We hide here and when he comes in... when he comes in I jump him and stab him.” 

10k nods, leaning back against the wall, using it for support. Holding his side, his jaw tense.

_He’s got to be in pain, he needs medical attention soon._

I press back against the wall and I hope we are hidden. I hope the Collector comes in through this door—actually I hope it's Warren who... _interrupted_ him and I hope she kills that sonofabitch.

I’m hoping a lot of things...

I hear footsteps approaching and I hold my breath. I hear the door handle turning and then the door opens.

“What the—where they hell did they go?!” the Collector shouts, making it three steps in before I move. Launching myself forward I drive the knife into the back of other man's neck. I hear a gurgling scream as we fall forwards and I pull the knife back out, stabbing downwards into his skull. It takes some effort for me to actually break the bone but once I do... I don’t stop. 

I don’t know how many more stabs I get in before I stop. Panting heavily I look back at 10k and he has slid down the wall at some point and is curled in on himself. 

“Shit—10k!” I stand up so quick my head spins and I’m moving before my brain knows why. I let myself fall to my knees and I ignore the pain as a result, focusing on 10k instead. He’s paler than usual and I can practically _hear_ his chest rattling. “10k, fuck this ain’t good...”

10k whimpers and shakes his head. He keeps trying to curl up further and further and—I don’t know what to do. I put a hand on his chest and I force him to sit back against the wall. I'm too weak to carry him. It might have been a while—how long I don’t know—but I know I lost a lot of blood and I know that if I tried to pick him up I’d fall over and hurt him more. But I can’t risk leaving him. The Collector might be dead but 10k could die if I’m not careful. I can’t leave him. We can’t stay here either. He could be seriously injured and I don’t know how to help.

Thankfully I don’t have to make a decision as I hear several sets of footsteps and Warren calling out.

“MURPHY?! 10K?! ARE YOU TWO HERE?” 

I lean away from 10k so I’m not yelling in his face, calling out “HERE! OVER HERE—WE NEED HELP! NOW!”

————————————————

 **Addy Pov**

I barely sit Murphy down. He looks more gray than blue right now and I know why. It hurts to see 10k like this. I think about what happened to them a lot.

If only we were sooner...

————————————————

“Sorry. Haven’t seen a blueish fellow, or a teenager. Good luck finding you friends though.” The unsettling man closes the door on Warren’s face before she can say anything else.

Warren takes a step back from the door, frowning. “They are in there.”

“Chief, I think so too. But how are you sure?” Doc asks, gripping 10k’s backpack that we found outside the building. Vasquez is holding 10k’s rifle and he nods as well. This whole situation is wrong. It’s been two days since Murphy wandered off, and not long after that 10k disappeared. We are all anxious and expecting the worse while not knowing what the worse outcome is.

“Never said Murphy was blue, also never said 10k was a teen. I called him a ‘kid’,” Warren says, taking the gun from Vasquez. “Let’s go in. All of you behind me.”

Inside is relatively normal at first, then it gets weird. Posters from classic zombie films are all over and several zombie heads and part in cases. Fuck there’s even a room with Zs on the floor and—

“Fuck is that—“

“Zombies..” I finish Doc’s sentence, biting my lip. In the middle of the room are three zombies. Three Zs I never thought I'd see in one place; a phyto z, blaster, and a radioactive z. All dead. I don't think 10k was the one to kill these ones. But 10k's pistol is on the floor... what the hell happened to them?

“Now we know for sure they're here...” Doc whispers, looking around. “God I hope the ki—I hope they are alive.”

Warren is about to say something when we hear screaming. Screaming that isn’t from Murphy or 10k. 

“Let’s go!” Warren shouts, bolting off in the direction it sounds like it's coming from. It’s coming from downstairs, but then it stops abruptly. We all run faster, calling out for Murphy and 10k.

“HERE! OVER HERE—WE NEED HELP! NOW!” Murphy calls from a back room, his voice cracking and unsteady. 

The first thing I see is a bloody corpse—not Murphy’s and not 10k’s. 

“Over here. What the hell took you so long?” Murphy snarls. Behind the door he is crouched beside 10k. Murphy isn’t as blue as he was and 10k is turning purple and red with how many bruises there are on his face, extending down his neck and under his shirt. “Well? Help him—I think he broke a rib—we need to get out of here.” 

Vasquez is the one to carry 10k out. At some point he passed out. Small whimpers and groans escaped his lips while he slept though. Doc and I are helping Murphy walk. He looks ready to pass out as well.

————————————————

We end up staying at another house, Murphy refused to stay in that building one second longer. He also refuses to tell us what happened to them, telling us firmly 10k has to be conscious when he does.

Bandaging them up is tense. I’m on Murphy duty cause 10k’s injuries are deemed ‘way worse’ by Murphy and Doc has to be the one to fix him. It takes everything for me to keep my mouth shut and not point out Doc isn’t an actual doctor. Murphy also insists on being in the same room as them.

Murphy lost a lot of blood and Warren has taken Vasquez back there to see if they can recover the blood. But 10k... I don’t know what happened but... I’m starting to understand.

10k has major bruising on his ribs, Doc can’t find any broken ones so they are probably just bruised, and a dislocated shoulder and knee, all on his right side and on the front of his chest.

The bruises on his thighs and hips are what gets me, there is dry blood flecks on his inner thighs too... I’m hoping I’m wrong. 

Murphy won’t stop staring at 10k and it makes me wonder if there’s even a chance of me being wrong.

When Warren comes back the shit hits the fan. I’m checking on 10k when I hear shouting.

“THIS IS YOUR FAULT! How long were we gone? Do you know what he did to us? WHAT HE DID TO 10K?!” Murphy screams.

“Murphy—calm down. You are still—“

"DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME?! IF—IF YOU ALL WERE THERE HE WOUL—“ Murphy chokes and I run into the room, just in time to see the breakdown. Murphy is shaking, there are tear tracks on his face, and he looks broken. “I... I couldn’t stop him... it’s my fault I couldn’t—“

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Murphy cry, let alone sob. Murphy covers his face and sinks to the floor. He chokes and gasps. None of us know what to do. But I think I know what he’s talking about.

“Murphy, what the hell happened, man?” Doc asks, only getting a louder sob. 

I slowly walk over, sitting down on the floor in front of Murphy. I pull his hands from his face.

“Murphy, I need you to breathe.” I wait for him to take a few deep breaths before I continue talking. “What did he do to 10k?” 

Murphy stares at me for a long time before he whispers. “I-I can’t... I can’t tell you. 10k—fuck I can’t, Addison. He has—he needs to be the one.”

I nod, still holding his hands, “I think... I think I know. It’s going to be okay now, but you need to rest.” I turn back to Doc and gesture to the bags, “You hook him up, okay? 10k shouldn't be alone when he wakes up.” 

I stand up slowly, walking back to the room where 10k is and I grab Warren’s arm. 10k is still asleep on the bed when we enter. 

“What was that all about?”

I look back and shrug, “I wanted to... Murphy needed help and I just decided to wing it.”

“That’s not what I meant. What happened to them? And how do you know?” Warren presses the question softly.

“In high school I had a friend, James... something happened to him and the... how 10k is hurt just... I think the same thing happened to him.” I say, sitting down in the chair beside the bed. 

Warren nods, “Which injuries?”

“The bruises... the ones on his legs... on his hips... and... and the blood on his thighs... Those ones.” I say, reaching out to trace where 10k’s hips are hidden under a ratty red blanket, “All of the bruises look like fingers and hands...” 

We stay silent until Doc comes in to check on 10k again. I stay beside 10k after they both leave. I stay with him, holding his hand while he rests.

I know now what happened. I know he was raped. What I don’t know is how we are going to help him. I don’t know what Murphy meant by ‘I couldn’t stop it.’ I don’t know if it happened once or several times.

I do know that I’m not going to let 10k suffer like James did. 

I will help him.

————————————————

10k ‘wakes’ up several times, screaming and sobbing, thrashing around in bed and striking out at anyone who gets too close. Each time his eyes are wide open but glassy. I’m a bit worried he won’t ever wake up fully again. That he’ll forever be trapped in the nightmare. 

But 10k does wake up. A full day later he groans loudly and tries to sit up. He looks around and then lays back down.

“Hey, how you feeling?” I whisper, grabbing the water on the nightstand.

10k shrugs, slowly sitting up and propping himself against the wall. He takes slow sips of water and winces the entire time. 

“Are you hungry? You’ve been out for a while.” I hold up a pack of cookies we found. I can usually bribe 10k with sweets, whether it’s to get him to eat something, or sleep, or even get him to sit down. I know he’s got a sweet tooth and it almost always works in my favor. This time it doesn’t. He blanches, shaking his head quickly. 

My stomach drops but I nod, putting the pack on the bed in case he gets hungry later. “So right now it’s just you, me, Warren, and Murphy. Doc and Vasquez are out looting the neighborhood.... want me to get someone?”

After his nightmares 10k would sometimes ask for Murphy. It was odd but they went through that shit together so I guess it makes sense. 

10k hesitates, shrugging slightly. I continue talking;

“Want me to get Doc?”

10k shakes his head.

“What about Warren? Want me to get her?”

Another head shake.

“I can go find Vasquez if you’d like him in here.”

Same head shake, not that I was expecting different from him.

“Would you like me to get Murphy?”

This time 10k stops, he glances at the door then shrugs. I nod and stand up. Then I walk out to where Murphy is sitting. He barely glances up at me.

“Hey, 10k’s awake. Think he wants to see you, Murphy—“ Murphy cuts me off, standing abruptly and pushing past me to get to 10k. I watch him leave before looking at Warren.

“10k isn’t talking... I mean I know he doesn’t talk much to begin with but... I think it has something to do with what happened...” I tell her. Warren sighs.

“It’s going to take some time for them to get back to normal. If they ever do... especially if you are right about what happened,” Warren says.

“I hope I’m wrong.”

“I... I hope you are too.”

Doc and Vasquez come back a little while later. Doc makes a beeline to 10k the second Warren says he woke up. Vasquez watches before clearing his throat.

“We found a camper a few houses down. It needs a little maintenance on it but it should run,” Vasquez says, setting his gun on the table. “We can get out of here but still have some comfort for them to recover.”

I can see Vasquez wants to leave; we all do. And it makes sense to use a camper instead of waiting for them to be travel ready and drive in the car. I doubt Murphy or 10k would do well being cramped in the backseat of a car and it’s probably best for 10k to stay in bed. Not in a truck bed though.

“That’s a good plan. We should stay here the rest of the day. Me, you, and Doc will go check it out and see if we can fix it up.” She points at me. “You okay with watching 10k and making sure Murphy behaves?”

“Yup. I can also get 10k ready to move if you want to leave tonight,” I say.

“Okay. Let’s tell them and get ready.”

“Do you think it’s okay to drive over here?” I ask. “Like so you can fix it up but still be close by? Just in case?”

Vasquez nods, “It should be fine to transport over. It’s not in bad condition; just needs to be checked in on and cleared out.”

Doc is a little weary about leaving 10k with Murphy and me.But he agrees. I catch him kissing 10k’s temple before he goes and I don’t miss the way 10k flinches at the contact nor how he pushes himself further back against the wall.

Murphy doesn’t look at me when I sit down. He’s sitting next to 10k where I was earlier. I can tell he’s trying to figure out what to say. I decide to break the silence.

“10k?” I say softly, sitting down at the foot of the bed. “Would you... are you okay with Murphy telling me what happened to you and him? I know you don’t want to speak right now but we... we need to know.”

10k looks out the window, arms around his stomach and scratching lightly at his arms. Shrugging, he looks away, licking his lips he nods once.

Murphy sighs softly, breaking his gaze at 10k to look at me. “Where do you want me to start? Just what happened? Or from the beginning?”

“The beginning please.”

Murphy tells me everything. We have to take a break when his voice starts to crack, and I can see the guilt in his eyes. When he finishes speaking we sit there for a long time.

“Do you want me to tell everyone else? Or would you like to retell Warren and them?” I ask. My voice is barely above a whisper and it sounds strange in my own ears.

Murphy laughs softly, running a hand down his face. “Please don’t make me repeat it. Please, Addison?”

I nod, putting a hand on his shoulder then squeezing it. “Don’t worry. Why don’t you two rest up and I’ll wait for them to get back, okay?”

Murphy nods and helps 10k lay back flat on the bed. This entire time 10k has been silent, almost ignoring us. But I can tell he’s on the verge of tears. It hurts like hell to see him like this.

Maybe I can't fix what happened. That doesn't mean I won't fight tooth and nail to make sure I help 10k through this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say for notes except a huge thank you to EvilAdmin for Betaing this! I really think that this chapter is one of my favorites so far and I couldn't have written this nearly as well without that help.
> 
> Next chapter will be back on a normal timeline, I just really wanted some kind of backstory to what happened.


	10. Not a Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update

So I have to pause this work for now. My friend who I originally started to write this with isn’t okay and I know it seems odd but I really can’t focus or write this knowing he Inst getting better. I’m sorry and I do plan of finishing this story up adventually but, well not this one in particular.

Hopefully this makes sense and again I’m sorry for just up and dropping off the face of the earth for two months but I’m not in the right place to write this as of now. Uh yeah that’s about it. So for now this is all I’m going to be writing of this work but I’ll leave it as a series when I’m able to start again. I’ll also be writing other MurphK content but I just can’t with this as of now so it’s not like I’ll stop writing. Anyways...

 

I hope all of you are doing good and thank you for reading Broken Numbers and I hope you enjoyed.


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